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So obviously Dan didn't manage to end his life. Which is good. I am still plugging along.. still go get Dan almost daily take him out, feed him is Mc Donalds etc. My basic perturbness going on right now is the rampant laziness at the nursing home...... OMG I do at least 80 % of Dans daily cares-- but getting a floor washed or vacuumed is hard, I'm gonna need to bring my own vacuum soon. I clean his bathroom , it takes 15 plus minutes to get a call light answered -its ridiculous. There are good , caring hard working staff there- but lately the lazy are eating through the good ones. 

Leaving me with the dilemma , every time i take them to task, it creates this passive aggressive thing. The thing the staff love to say is, Dan won't let me. Which has been true on occasion but never has he stopped anyone from delivering towels and wash clothes. "Dan won't let me"- I want to haul off and smack someone, everytime they use that excuse to not even try. During Dans recent depression - he did refuse everyone and everything.... But now its like the staff have figured out - just say - "Dan doesn't like me" and its like fairy dust- magical , they don't have to. So I do, I don't like it , but I do it because it is the right thing to do. Sad part is- this is the best nursing home in town... I shudder to think about the others.... I can't, - couldn't care for him at home- his OCD is very difficult - no doubt, but GOD Im still doing it. I have seen staff walk right passed his room with both his lights on - carrying garbage. I have directed them to the fact both lights are on, was told essentially the garbage is more important. GGGGRRRRRRR. When I do finally decide I have had enough, then what?


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Nancy :


This is so ridiculous. I worry for residents who don't have any visitors or family members looking out for them. I know when my mom was in nursing home for her therapy after her knee surgery,  there is no one to come out & clean her room  or bathroom. Mom used to tell us & we end up doing the job , since nursing home staff is always busy doing something else. Anyway keep being pain in behind for them so that they do their job.







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I agree with your concerns as Asha's response. In another life I worked in places like that and it breaks my heart but sometimes we are trapped because of money or insurance or even location. Some people are just working for a paycheck luckily, the good souls outweigh the bad. Our hearts go out to those we know those are good people but you can be allowed by the baddies to do their work for they will depend on you.  Image result for Unhappy Emoji

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I would have the same problem if I had to have William stay in a nursing home.  He is so bad.  I know that they would never do anything.  I imagine that I would do everything like you do.  I was that way in the hospital.  I bathed him and changed the sheets and fed him.  They loved having me around.  The work got done and they did not have to do it.

I will pray for you.  You should talk to the administrator.  Why can't they do something?

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hi nancy,

every nursing home should have an ombudsman. you should tell him/her and its her job to be on your side and to be your advocate. and it is not necessarily a one time thing.  she should make it her job to see that dan has the care he deserves regardless of his attitude on any particular occasion.



good luck,



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Hello Nancy, it is not right, but the situation here in Florida, is not enough workers, pay is low.  when i was in hospital, no more  workers to help the Nursers,  and they are over worked, have too much to do. My daughter, washed me, changed my bed, and made sure i was comfortable. Sad affairs that is going to get worse, as the population gets older. 


Wish you the best



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I am so sorry that you are having to do the job of the staff at the nursing home.   That has always been my fear if I had to place Gary in a facility is that I'd still be doing what I do daily, but paying well over $8,000/month to do it.    They're getting paid to do the job....hold them accountable or file a complaint with the State.   Something has to change.  You can't keep doing their job for them........it's not fair to you or Dan.   My thoughts and prayers are with you!!




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