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Feeling so Blah...Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally



Things have been a little different lately for all 3 of us here (my dad, my step mom, and me). Some good news is that my dad has finished his course of radiation and chemotherapy. It is now a waiting game...probably another 3 weeks until he has the all important PET scan to see if it did it's job. My dad worries...this waiting is hard for him. He tries to put a mask on but it falls off at times...he gets grumpy, angry about waiting, impatient, and well down right mean at times.ย 

My stepmom had rotator cuff surgery about a week and a half ago so I have been caretaker to her a lot...especially the few days after. I think it was a lot more painful than she anticipated. Thankfully she is improving and feeling better. My dad really doesn't help in that way...so I do what I can. I felt bad when I had to sit down with her and say "I am going to do my best, but sometimes (and I can't predict those times) I may be unable to be there 100% because my mind, body is really affected by some things and I have to rest. This was after she gave me a list of what was expected of me she had written before her surgery...she gave it to me the 2nd day after. I explained that she needed a back up maybe to call on those days. She said she understood. For the first 36 hours she was in a lot of pain and I had her call my phone when she needed something and I rested in between. Well, let's just say I think I might have had 8 hours of sleep during the whole of those three days. So the really bad fatigue began to set in. I can't help it. I needed sleep and was extra forgetful (ok that is not good). I had to go my PCP twice. Once because I was having severe pain under my left lower ribs and after painful exam was sent to a CT scan. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ I'm full of poop (I know tmi) my Dr. says to drink 1/2 bottle of magnesium citrate. ๐Ÿ˜ซ OMG this stuff kills me. So I went home and took Miralax every day until I couldn't stand the pain anymore and drank my dose this morning. I will have to let you know later if I survive lol. Second time was like Friday of last week. I began to have this burning really sensitive skin feeling in my hip, left bum, sorta the left side of my tummy, then down my left thigh and through my left knee, down the side/front of my shin and then to the top of my left foot. It felt so achy and burning. This time my Dr. did a few tests on my legs and me lifting them and then pressing certain areas. He concluded that it is coming from my back. I do have a bulging disc around the L4-L5 area (bulging centrally toward my spine). I usually have an acute occurrence of pain every so often if I sneeze or bend over and a trip to the ER pain med and muscle relaxers. After about 3-4 days it's gone again. However, this came on slow (about 2-3 days before I decided I had to make an appointment). He wants to try Mobic (prescription NSAID). After talking with him about my concerns of my Neurologist saying do not take NSAIDS it may increase chances of another stroke...he explained he was only going to prescribe it for a short time maybe 2 weeks and studies say long term use is what you should stay away from. ๐Ÿ˜• So there you go...today my butt, hip, back, and thigh hate life and are yucky. My tummy hurts because of the mobic (I have GERD) and it is also angrily growling and I am running to the bathroom. ๐Ÿค’ On top of that as I am resting in bed my dad and stepmom are conversing about how lazy I am and I won't do anything. ๐Ÿ˜ซ Is it bad that I don't give a crap? Oh and don't let me leave out that Mon-Fri I watched my sister's 2 girls during the day while she was at work. And yes in between taking care of them, my stepmom, and cleaning what I could I lay on my bed because I have no seat...just call me lazy and selfish that's the usual. Oh let me stop before I start. This is becoming another session of "Let it go! Let it go!!!" sing with me! Oh yeah, I got my flu vaccine and pneumonia vaccine (1ST time)..oww to the red raised hot circle around the shot site (pneumonia vaccine) and to my aching joints and bones! I need some comfort food...

chicken and dumplings or chicken noodle soup. Wish me luck for the day lol. Thanks for listening.


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Oh you are expected to do way too much.ย No wonder you are feeling the way you do! I am sorry that you are under so much stress- that's really not good. I hope things settle down a bit for you soon.ย  Your plate is just too full.ย  Know that we are all here to support you and listen.ย  Hopefully venting helps a bit.ย  It's hard to say no and stand up for ourselves, especially when those who ask are in need themselves.ย 

Sending you hugs.


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Extra hugs coming your way Tracy. My back went "out" for the first time in my life last Monday. So I now know what that's like. I've been battling to keep moving and finding a spot were you can be comfortable for more than a few minutes is so hard. How you managed to look after others while coping with that I don't know. My hat's off to you.


Fingers and toes crossed that you get good news from your disability hearing and are able to get out of that environment soon. It isn't good for you.


Hugs again


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Thank you for such support and for being able to stand my long rants! ๐Ÿ˜ Sue venting helps me a lot! I'm trying to keep my vents to my blog now because it's of course not always giving a positive vibe. I am definitely one of those people who need to get it out. I think not so much before the stroke but now for sure! Heather I have everything I can cross crossed lol.ย ๐Ÿ˜…My Psychiatrist hears me say so often how much I look forward to having my own place! Alone! I've never lived alone...i suppose I've been scared to. I am ready!!!! My mom has included me in a prayer chain for a long while now and says her and my step dad pray about it every night. Me too!! 10 days left! ๐Ÿ˜œ

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Time for a Ball Cinderella!!!

Wowee, she had a do list all prepared ahead of time.

So are you the Resident Slave, ok yes you are concerned,kind,and even advocating....

And I am so glad you are taking time to rest for yoirself.

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Living alone is great Tracy. OK so the neighbours think I'm the crazy cat lady. Who cares!ย  Yes there are some things where I get stuck and have to ask my sister to come rescue me, but that goes both ways.ย  I hope you have someone you will be able to call when needed, but right now it sounds like you are on the give end of the equation all the time and that wears even the fit and healthy down.

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Pam you make me smile and giggle thank you!ย ๐Ÿ˜„Heather my mom, my step dad, my sister and several other family members are a huge support for me. I'm sorta where I am out of necessity (i could have a room) or it would be a bit different! I am already the crazy cat lady and I only have Kitty lol. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm anxious but I really am looking forward to and my plan is to live alone. My home will be minimalist style and I can close my eyes and see myself on my couch curled up with Kitty watching a lifetime movie and a spa like candle burning in the background!๐Ÿค— I will share pictures one day! ๐Ÿ˜

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Yes they are doing you a favour, right now, by letting you have a room. but as Pam said that doesn't make you Cinderella. Don't let them guilt you into thinking you must repay them with household chores.ย 

Hooray for the crazy cat ladies with only one cat!

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Of course Pam! Crazy Cat Ladies unite! how many cats we actually have is about how many cats are compatible with our living arrangements/abilities, not how many we want.

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We have two live cats, and lots of cat ornaments! I canโ€™t help myself!


Tracy, thinking of the thread on setbacks, Iโ€™m really hoping the nasty fatigue doesnโ€™t set you back in other areas.

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