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The Monster of Stroke...What I See After Battling One



I came here this morning to share something happening in front of me...it affects my stepmom and her ex-husband's family who she has remained close to. Life happens sometimes in a way so beyond what we can control. My stepmom's ex brother-in-law has been ill the past two months and having serious heart issues. Eventually he needed heart surgery and when he was in the middle of it a clot formed in the circulation machine that traveled to his brain and caused a massive stroke. 😔 It kills me knowing that sometimes when we are doing things to get better that a stroke can throw itself in the mix. He was given low percentage of recovery and he survived. It was just a month ago. As a survivor I see and feel what another is going through...it's palpable. Not just from one side but I see both...survivor and caretaker. Not perfectly but well enough. He is a shell of his former self, incontinent, immobile, has CPS...even though he is there...inside...unable to communicate to those he loves. Here is a small amount of family history for this gentleman...he has 2 sisters both of which have had cancer and one is still fighting, he has a brother with dementia, and his other brother passed several years ago. They are probably all in their 70's...age is sometimes not kind. The one sister who has already beat cancer has been his caretaker but she just can't do all that he needs. She lives in Florida but has been here with her family several months during several difficult health issues from all around. I know she is exhausted in so many ways. She has told my stepmom that she is responsible but she has also told her how bad she just wants to go home. It's her home. I know that both can only do what they can do and as much as we feel responsible it can't be everything. The sister is impatient, accusing medical staff of not working on what he really needs like: PT for his legs so he can become mobile again instead of PT for fine motor abilities which he lost. I know she doesn't understand but she told my stepmom that they need to work on the things that will get him better and she can go home. I understand...breaks my heart but I do. During all of this, her brother sitting, laying, quiet, agitated, sometimes incoherent but aware. Having to watch the world move around him like he is invisible. He has CPS and is being treated temporarily with pain meds for now but his sister is adamant that they not give him this kind of med I mean he had a stroke he didn't break his leg. She doesn't know. He is still receiving pain med but he is still suffering constantly. Why is he crying all the time? Why is he agitated? Why can't you fix this? She doesn't know. God bless the therapists trying to help him get better. They don't have it easy in many many ways. The sad truth is that no one does. All I can do is pray for all of them...say some positive words that I hope reach the family and the therapists. I am mad at STROKE!!! Just plain angry...You stupid, unforgiving, unmercifle stroke!!! You are a monster!!! I hope so much that this family and those helping to fight kick your butt!!! I can't say anything else...except please take the time to research and see it for what it is. Learn patience because stroke will take and take and take. Educate others. Forgive those who don't see...Forgive those that do...bless those that fight for both. 


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I agree, the therapists only do what they know how to do, they can't mend broken people. I used to get so frustrated that Ray's therapy didn't "cure" him. But the strokes changed me as well into what I am today and that was a good thing. Tracy you are the educator in this. Gently but persistently please tell them all you know about the road to recovery and encourage them in every way you can. Patience and persistence are key words in every recovery.

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Sue that is what I'm trying to be. I really can only tell them how I would feel if I were him because I have been there. Looking back at my own story I would have been grateful for someone to be my voice. I am not trying to be 100% that...but I can say "When I was experiencing ____..." or "____ feels like ____ and makes me ___". You get the idea. I have also tried to explain why he is where he is therapy wise and having positive support is so important. What is CPS. That he is probably very aware and has his faculties his brain just is keeping him from communicating due to the damage. Explain why he may be agitated, confused, emotional, and feeling pain or that he is having pain. How to be good to themselves and recharge...validate their feelings/emotions during this hard time. I've even talked to my stepmom about sharing with her ex sister-in-law that their are resources that can help or find ways to get them help. I've been trying to be a positive voice for him even though I really don't know him very well. I mean I still fight with my own thoughts "I just want to be who I used to be". I know those thoughts are very fresh for each one of them. I hope I can share something that may help. I just feel so I don't know...I just see the misunderstanding and the pain of that for these two siblings. He needs her in a way she can't see and she needs him in a way that he can't be just yet. This is a long way of saying I really just want to help in some way for everyone involved. I know I can only do so much but I have to try.

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stroke took all from .me. too

Not often do I see another person angry...authentic.

I feel better screaming I hate stroke into a pillow and no it is not a waste of energy. We fight back tooth and nail. we share we teach we )isten.

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