Noticing Something About Myself...Not Sure How I Feel About It
Has anyone said to you, "It's all about you.". I have had this statement said to me numerous times. Today I have been thinking...Do I make others feel this way? Am I egocentric? Do I lack empathy or maybe sympathy? You get the picture I'm sure. There are things I have noticed about myself since the stroke: I talk a lot about myself and the stroke or stroke effects left over. I get on my own nerves sometimes. There are certain things that I feel indifferent about. My stepmom hoards (cleanly but hoards). It's caused her issues in the recent past when her mother passed. She hasn't been able to let go of her things whether they are useful or not. So much so that she pays for 3 storage units to house all the items because her house is full. (Remember I live with my dad and stepmom for now due to financial reasons.) She also was diagnosed with hyperparathyroidism about a year and a half ago. This caused her to lose calcium and vitamin D from her bones and caused several hairline fractures about her lower legs, ankles, and foot area. So she has had pain, surgery to remove three of her 4 hyperparathyroid glands and the last year to recover and build her calcium and vitamin D back up. The problems I see is that she keeps anything and everything and can't let it go besides true filthy trash. Like she rinses and reuses Ziploc bags, has an insurmountable amount of "stuff" that is buried on top of each other that is never used, has like 10 China cabinets full of glassware, trinkets, ceramic anything, things that she had "collected" through the years, all the curtains, sheets, clothing, etc. that she has had over the past 35+ years and all that anyone will give her, out of date beauty and Avon products that she refuses to get rid of and says they are ok and she plans on selling them, honestly the whole house is a trip hazard for me and wrecks havoc on my overstimulation issues, the downstairs is so full that there is a walking trail from room to room. Anyway, I can't or won't help her because I get severe anxiety and she micro manages every move I make. She got upset with me for throwing away a bar of Phels Naptha soap because it was green and cracked and just gross. It was probably 20 years old. You can still but it. She said she could have sold it. I am writing a book here, sorry. She also moans all the time like every 10-20 seconds, "uh, uh, mm, oh, oh, ooh, ooh, oh my gosh, mm, etc." over and over constantly. Especially when someone comes into the room she is in. The doctors have told her in the past to stay off her feet, be careful and don't fall, no lifting, and she does it all. She has been on opioid pain killers for over a year. She's had 7-8 MRI's. Refuses to do what her doctors have said. Actually her levels are back to normal. No matter what else, I can't seem to find I guess sympathy for her. I have a tendency to get agitated with her and get on a soapbox and fuss. I have noticed recently that I avoid noticing her grunts and groans, self mumbling, negative self talk, just everything. Granted I still talk about my stroke effects, sometimes using them as examples of how to "accomplish" things. I am getting way overboard in my explanation. I also notice that I speak about my stroke effects to many others I am close to all the time. I have to make myself stop. I don't really know what I'm trying to say...I'm sorta lost right now...my points are gone.😕 I'll just end with do any of you experience moments of egocentric behavior? lack of empathy? lack of sympathy? a more than what I Feel is normal preoccupation with stroke and self? Does anyone else feel like this toward you? Do I think its all about me? Confused...