This transition to widowhood has been easier than expected.    That is because the good bye was a long one.  3 months before William died, my son, had come down to visit.  He told me that William was declining and suggested that I look into hospice.  I wasn't ready for that.  But it got me into really thinking about life without William.   So my good bye was a long one.   Then the month that I put him into hospice was the real  start of the end.  Everyday was like the last time that I might see William alive.   Especially when I had to put that hospital bed in the living room.  Then the last week was really hard.   That was when I afraid to leave the house because I felt that every breath was going to be the last one.  The good bye was soooo long.   I am so happy that William is out of this life.  He so wanted to get out of that hospital bed.  But, I was not able to get him out by myself.  I felt so bad.  I had been able to take care of him by myself when he was able to give me some help.  But at the end he could not help me anymore. 

I am taking classes at the community college,  taking bible studies and getting involved with the church.  I did start going to a different church because the one that I went to with William would hold too many memories.  I walk the dogs on long walks. I still go to the gym every morning.  I like to swim and started doing the machines this year.  The gym does not hold a lot of memories with William because he did not come but a few times.  It is freeing to be able to be out and about.  I no longer have to rush home and check on William. I don't have to stop and by him something special to eat.  I don't have to save part of my lunch for him to share.  I will be going on vacation with my son to Mexico.  in early November.  I will visit him at Thanksgiving and Christmas.   This will be the first time in 10 years that I have left the house and flown.  I am planning on going on a mission trip with the church to Mexico. in January.  I will go on the women's retreat also. I may possibly go on another mission trip to Kenya. It is so amazing that I can actually leave the house and do stuff.  Life is going on and sometimes I get a little sad.  But nothing like the 3 months before William died.   I will decide on when to move out to California with my son.  I am going to wait for a year then get my things together to move.  The last week that William was living was when I packaged up most of his things.  Now, I just have get myself together and get my clutter under control and start the process of moving.  

I have gotten a lot of the paperwork done.  This has coincided with my pension starting.  But, fortunately all of this paperwork has been mine to deal with for years.  But, I hate paperwork and procrastinate.    

It is amazing!   I am able to sleep at night.  THat last month was so hard.  I could not sleep at night.  William was always up and so was I.   I sometimes wake up at 1AM and then am able to fall back to sleep.  I am at peace.   When William was here, I had to very vigilant 24 hours of the day.  I did not sleep a lot.  I awoke at the least little movement or noise.  I just thank God that I am able to get a good night's sleep.