Suffering is something I am good at. I ha ve constant pain, not chronic. I am always in pain. It is my life. I am able to color and watch movies and eat and do thngs that they determine are all signs that I am not having a 10 day. 

I am in the hospital right now. I had to get myself to urgent care, then they sent me to the 

ER and then IWAS put upstairs. cellulitis again in my legs, but this time my right heel has a bed sore. not a blister, this is agony, who will get me what I need while I am in the hospital.... well the nurse last nite let me sleep. Islept over  8 hours. I woke like a banshee and with twice the attitude of queen of them. I blamed them for all of it everything and then I got some meds in me and was fine. no one understands me. 

I must return in a couple of days or lose my bed in the hom

I need to sleepn now and the nurse says she will wake me. 

Good morning

I am waiting for an MRI. I have a bed sore on my heel. I thought it was a blister, OMG ! I want to scream. I was going to get an electrode and now this. I never get rest.I want to be happy now, I need to go go home to rest but now this. I want to go home to rest but I

Must get an MRI b4 I can go, finish antibiotics and go home to the place I call home now, or be alone homeless. I want to cry, I feel alone. My son did not want to come to hospital to visit. No flowers, but my best friend told me a care package for mothers day awaits me in the the mail,so hey I am loved. One love is enough for me. I polished my nails yesterday, I feel better with red nails.

The pain management team member visited,told me I am on too much pain meds so that hurts me more, I need less meds to feel better, I nearly felt crazy, I said yes I want an electrode, but it took years to get this cocktail all day to be figured out.  I cried, I mean it makes me feel nuts to cry in front of people, no reason but mad at mean people who confuse me, fail to listen, no compassion, of course I take a lot I fail to understand how can I take less when 

I hurt so much more than in my dreams..I need cry to feel better then 

Empty

Alone

What is my goal today they ask me as I lay writhing in pain screaming for help,a pill,a shot,relief

The goal?to

Be normal,walk,smile,be happy,be nicer,what goal,on what planet am I on,what time dimension am I from...am I in purgatory.....they ask me seriously.....  l wish I knew the goal. Am I  for real can anyone tell me in a nice voice that I am going to be ok and return to what I used to call nohrmal?

It is a nightmare to be alive in this pain,alone in pain,alone without love yet my son tells me I am loved but he is busy as children grow live a life apart,and I feel regrets for things because NO ONE IS HERE!

I know I lived a good life helping others yet here I am alone on an island, stroke took me away in a boat to a place where I cann of even talk right when I am sick,I cannot walk when I am sick,and then they look at me as if I am faking it, but the docs say stroke makes it this way,then it went away. I feel better and it is not easy to explain to people I was ill,stroke deficits returned, and now my shaking is done, I can see better now,and I am a better yet weaker me.

  I am whole and again myself.

I was scared. I called neurologist,he looked over my case and called me saying I not need him, hooray. Then hospital antibiotics, I am o n day 6 now, time to go home or I will lose my bed. Am I this ill...

They don't know.

   Please send me home.

Or I will not be allowed to return to my pretty room.

                                                                                                                            .