I wonder if  I gave you a blank sheet of paper and told you to draw me a picture of your world using colour not lines what it would look like? Perhaps you could do that today? Some of you would ask for a coloured sheet because to some people that flat white sheet looks threatening, not like their life feels like at all. A friend of mine is going through a bad time and  I think her background colour would be grey. None of us want black because that can be threatening too, because even at the worst times life is not black it is spotted with blue and yellow and red and green and every shade of every colour all mixed and blurred into colours we could not name.

A person from the beginnings of my time on Strokenet called Pat would post me a reply to that paragraph saying " stop being so philosophical" and I get that, for some people life is primary coloured, they cannot see the shading. They know life is tough and hard and REAL. And that is how we all feel when our lives are bad and filled with pain. That is how I felt after each of my operations, living in pain and doubt and anguish. But it is not how I  generally feel. Mostly I try to reflect on what is happening to me and make some sense of it which is why my blogs are in a sense reflections not stark reality.

So what is happening in my world? I am a little lost right now. I guess I built life up to be better in 2021 so I can see now that is a false hope, life in 2021 is much like life in 2020 with Covid still here, masking for shopping, church etc. Life is still about not having plans to travel, only five visitors at a time in your home, not going to certain places because they are hot spots. Life is still restricted. So the meetings are again small, everyone is cautious, there are many still who hardly leave their homes. What a pity. I think that as an older person I have less to lose now, after all I have lived not a good life but an interesting one and having had a really bad virus in my 40's maybe I am less frightened of hospitalisation and the dreaded image of being on a ventilator. Been there, done that.

So back to keeping busy again. I had Trevor and Alice here for twelve days and that was hectic, full of fun and laughter but also awareness that we are not really a family now but people who have common memories. During the time they were here we had interaction with the other cousins, lunches of seven or eight people had to be in public areas as we still cannot have more than five people in our homes in addition to the family who live there in my case just me. We did go to the beach and to the local saltwater pool, the Ocean Baths. Yes I did get sunburned again this year from standing in the water talking instead of swimming. And we did go next door for one of Brett's roast nights. 

The visit always comes to a sad end as Alice loves being on the Coast. This year she even got to spend time with her cousins who are the children of her mother's sister, she loved that day. Cousins are important to me as mine were all in England or Canada and I have only caught up with them in the last 20 years or so and then infrequently. Alice's generation shares their lives on Facetime and other media platforms, so they are still in contact but not in person. Trevor has two more of her cousins he wants her to meet maybe next visit to the Coast. The time they spend here flies so fast, we never fit in all we had hoped to do and as their first week was fairly wet the beach visits were only possible the second week.

When everyone has gone home or back to their normal life is usually my planning time so out comes the calendar and I mark in regular committments, Lions and other meetings, then school holidays, birthdays, possible holidays etc. It is an exciting time seeing the expected highlights in the months ahead. I am not sure I can do that this year. Already there have been losses among my acquaintance group, already there are notices of meetings cancelled and major events postponed. I hate living in fear and to a certain extent that is how we are living right now. I really don't know if there will be family celebrations, morning tea is still not an option at church, Friday coffee group and Playtime is still not possible. Where are we to join in fellowship now? Colour me grey on that one.

I am busy with crocheting the cat mats for the RSPCA, two mother cats and eight kittens were handed in last week and they all need transition mats to take to their forever homes. Doesn't take much to make me feel guilty does it? I should be filling that order! And so life goes on. Plenty to do, finding the energy to do it is a other matter. I love the sound of parrots outside, the roar of traffic diminished by their bright voices. The little tawny frogmouth (owl) chick should fledge soon so I am keeping an eye out for that. The garden needs weeding and watering, and there are replies to write to some of the Christmas letters so colour me busy!!!