No wonder my head hurts!!
I have never been one to suffer from headaches, so the one that has been bugging me for the past day or so was really getting on my nerves. I look up headaches on the internet and right away match everything up with a tension headache and the first word I see under "Causes".....stress. Yeah, nuff said!
Yesterday was a bit better for me, although I didn't have much time to think about everything going on in my life. I leave on Wednesday morning for a 2 day trip to Nashville to see Kelly Clarkson in concert, and I am also getting to meet her as I got a backstage pass...yet, I feel soooo guilty about going and I really don't want to. My Mom has insisted and when my Dad has been in the world he insists on me going as well. I know sitting home would do NOTHING for him and it would probably make him worse because he'd be upset that I didn't get to go. I have saved and paid for this trip all by myself, so it's kinda a big thing where they are concerned, lol. "FINALLY! Something she has paid for herself!!", I am sure they are thinking!
I guess I just keep feeling guilty about leaving and getting away from it all for a few days. When I am away, I tend to forget just how it is. I feel bad that my Momma has to deal with this, I wish she could go on a trip for herself and have fun! I feel bad that Daddy has to deal with this, and I wish he could go on a trip and have fun too! I know they want this for me, they really truly do, but I can't help but feel guilty about it.
The doctor said today that Daddy will have to stay up on the Rehabilitation floor of the hospital for a while, not certain how long. Daddy keeps telling Momma that he isn't staying and everyone who comes to see him he tells them that he will be going home in a few days. Also, today when the nurse came to take him for his MRI...he gave her trouble and claimed that he already had one done and didn't need another. I am not sure if he is acting out because he knows he is being defiant OR if he is acting out because he really doesn't know any better. When I think about leaving him there, I get so upset because I know how he is. He doesn't like to be around quietness and he doesn't like not being around us, I am afraid he is going to get down & out. I know it is the best thing for him, but it is going to be so hard to walk away from there knowing that we can't be with him 24/7 while he is on the floor and knowing he doesn't want to be there.
Then there is the fact that I am moving back to school in about 3 weeks. I don't know what I am to do about that. My Nana is here to help my Mom and all, but how can I just go back to my school life knowing that my Dad is in rehab and my Mom is doing all she can to keep our family above water?! The drive is about an hour, so I could commute but I have my roommate already lined up and I really can't afford the gas it would take driving to and from school 5 days a week! I know I am going to have to pack up and go, but I know this year it is going to be so incredibly difficult on me. Daddy has a hard enough time with me being away when he hadn't just suffered another stroke, he is going to have an even more difficult time now once I move.
I just feel so so so torn. I know my parents want me to be at school and get my education, but I also know it would be a great help to them if I were at home. I know I shouldn't go on my trip this week, but I know they would be crushed if I didn't go. I feel selfish, yet I feel selfless because I am doing what I know they want me to do. I am living in an adult world, but trying to stuff myself back into a young adult world and it's a snug fit.
And looking back over that post, it's no wonder I have a headache!!
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