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I'm shutting up


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I talked with my sister on Friday - we're not "best friends" - I honestly don't like her much and have no idea how we're both part of the same family.

 

I spoken few words to her since my stroke, at work, or at the few "family functions" that my mother insists upon, I might say a sentence or two to her.

 

On Friday we had a "conversation", she was taking her daughter to the Dells this weekend, and I wanted to know how she found a hotel room in this intense heat!

With all the waterparks in the Dells, people are begging for a place to stay, it even effects us here 35 miles away with a lot of our hotels offering special "Dells Packages" - ("stay with us and the waterpark is free" deals).

 

Anyway, I'm asking questions, and two of the girls I work with are also in the conversation, suddenly Janet get's this strange look on her face....

 

"why are you talking so funny?" she blurts out.

 

Kim and Sarah (the girls that work with me everyday) look at each other mortified.

 

"What do you mean?" I ask.

 

"It's like your drunk and you can't figure out what word to use! What's wrong with you??" - she says.

 

( And Isn't that a "nice observation", after a fricking year!... I'm being sarcastic here)

 

"I had a stroke, you idiot!" I replied

 

I turned and went to my office. Later Kim came in. "It's ok you know," Kim says "people who don't know you, never guess your speech is slower or more hesitant. If they don't know you they'd never guess you had a stroke"

 

Oh goody, only the people who know me think I talk strange. That's supposed to be some kind of consolence?

 

If you don't know me, you wouldn't guess I had a stroke ... what the hell would you think? ... I'm mentally and physically retarded? I'm an idiot savant in a clumsy body? I've been drinking or doing drugs at 8 in the morning?

 

I've been thinking about Janet's remarks and Kim's attempt at consolence all weekend.

 

I'm not going to talk any more than is absolutely necessary from now on. Yeah, I'm shutting up.

 

Except at home, where the kids and J don't care if I can't remember words, or if I pause a lot. At work, from now on I'm silent.

 

~V

 

("off moldy page 2 with a thought provoking blog" ... the critics rave bigwink.gif )

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You know this makes me mad! Probably as much as it did you. Why can't people understand? I've got the same thing from my sister who I am now living with until I get my own place- and I've a time limit. You don't want to wish anything on people, but can't they even try to put themselves in our place?

 

People who haven't been there have absolutely no clue (the sad part is they don't try) Whether it's slower speech, perhaps a slight "lisp". trouble getting up or whatever.......That's what is so great about being here. We ALL know.

 

I know it will be difficult "not speaking" but as long as you can speak at home without the looks etc. It will be strange and a little hard, but you'll manage. Shouldn't have to but.......

 

As I said, we don't wish things on people but what if it happened to them? Then they'd realize, I betcha ya.

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my 2 sisters are the best in the world bless them, they try to understand but really have no idea , how can they ? we were out last night, the pub had air conditioning on full blast, it really was not needed as it was far from warm outside. eventually the younger one snapped are u cold ? i said yes i'm frigging freezing, then she asked if i wanted to go home, i was tempted to say YES! but i let it drop. medication is another thorney topic, sleeping pills.....u should be trying to do without them now, i need my sleep or i'm like a zombie next day they arent very strong, my doc prescribed 2 mg diazapam tables for my muscle spasms, on top of all u are already taking was sibling medics comment, i'm not deciding to take these things off my own bat, they are prescribed by my doctor after all and if they help at all i'll take them, it just bugs me at times and i feel guilty having bitchy thoughts when they are so good to me. patience i guess . least said soonest mended.

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Vicky, I have had the same response, if I didn't know you before I wouldn't know you had a stroke......exactly what does that mean...

 

I think people are trying to be "encouraging" in their own idiotic way..

Thanks a bunch.

 

You just talk as much as you want...dont let remarks let that get to you , easier said than done.....but your friends understand and love you just the way you are....

 

Bonnie

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