I talked with my sister on Friday - we're not "best friends" - I honestly don't like her much and have no idea how we're both part of the same family.
I spoken few words to her since my stroke, at work, or at the few "family functions" that my mother insists upon, I might say a sentence or two to her.
On Friday we had a "conversation", she was taking her daughter to the Dells this weekend, and I wanted to know how she found a hotel room in this intense heat!
With all the waterparks in the Dells, people are begging for a place to stay, it even effects us here 35 miles away with a lot of our hotels offering special "Dells Packages" - ("stay with us and the waterpark is free" deals).
Anyway, I'm asking questions, and two of the girls I work with are also in the conversation, suddenly Janet get's this strange look on her face....
"why are you talking so funny?" she blurts out.
Kim and Sarah (the girls that work with me everyday) look at each other mortified.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"It's like your drunk and you can't figure out what word to use! What's wrong with you??" - she says.
( And Isn't that a "nice observation", after a fricking year!... I'm being sarcastic here)
"I had a stroke, you idiot!" I replied
I turned and went to my office. Later Kim came in. "It's ok you know," Kim says "people who don't know you, never guess your speech is slower or more hesitant. If they don't know you they'd never guess you had a stroke"
Oh goody, only the people who know me think I talk strange. That's supposed to be some kind of consolence?
If you don't know me, you wouldn't guess I had a stroke ... what the hell would you think? ... I'm mentally and physically retarded? I'm an idiot savant in a clumsy body? I've been drinking or doing drugs at 8 in the morning?
I've been thinking about Janet's remarks and Kim's attempt at consolence all weekend.
I'm not going to talk any more than is absolutely necessary from now on. Yeah, I'm shutting up.
Except at home, where the kids and J don't care if I can't remember words, or if I pause a lot. At work, from now on I'm silent.
("off moldy page 2 with a thought provoking blog" ... the critics rave )