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The glass is 1/2empty


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I am tired and cranky due to my work schedule this weekend (I got 4hrs sleep last night) so I apologize for the "Pity, party of 1" tonight. But I gotta say this cuz it's buggin me. Mostly, it's a continuation on Jean's thread, but I knew it was inappropriate to say this there, even though I am sure more people would actually read it there. (1/2 empty glass, today)

 

I am frustrated that most of my husband's family do not talk to me or ask if I'm home when they call to speak with Patrick. I have an almost 14 year old son, so when the phone rings between noon and 11pm, it's unlikely that I will be able to answer the phone before my son answers it. So when his family calls, and my son answers, they immediately ask to speak to Patrick, bypassing me all together.

 

I understand that we never really talked on the phone before the stroke. But we DID talk alot before he came home. Now? Nuttin.. with the exception of one member. One of the things that bugs me about this is that I know how Patrick is when you speak to him. For instance, if you ask him "How are you, today?" he will probably answer with a shrug of the shoulder and say 'Ehhh" as if saying, "Been better". This is because he is answering it with the thought of, "I've had a stroke and it sucks." If you ask him to tell you whats wrong, he realizes his response was not exactly accurate and he will backtrack and say, "No, no, no. Fine!" But if you don't question him about it, you may be led to believe otherwise. So I often wonder what they are thinking, do they think he's neglected? Do they think he's depressed? I don't know because they don't ask to speak to me to find out in more literal terms what he's been up to. Sometimes I really just feel like no one cares about me or if I need anything or how I am holding up. "Pity, party of one- your table is ready".

 

And of course sometimes people call and I have no idea whatsoever. Then he tries to tell me something and I have to spend the next 30 minutes trying to figure out what and who he is talking about. I am still drinking my ovaltine, so MY decoder ring isn't quite here yet.

 

This brings me to today. I am waiting for the inlaws to arrive because I asked them if they could be here for the next two days to take Patrick to therapy as I have to work, some of which is out of town. They are coming tonight so they will be available first thing tomorrow, but... I have no idea when they are getting into town. I don't know whether to eat dinner without them, wait and go out, I don't know. And I have 4 phone numbers for them programmed in my cell phone (1-work, 1-home, respective cell numbers) GUESS WHAT! They retired in June, moved in June, and with it came new phone carriers so I have 0 numbers for them. I realized this when they were here last week and had to have a sibling call them to tell them we were home, so I know they know I don't have them anymore. Anyway, I am just b*tching. I don't want them to think I don't appreciate all they have done for Patrick and how helpful they have been. I guess my feelings are hurt that I seem to have very few people who make an effort to check on me. And it so happens that today's uncertainty coincides with the existing feelings.

 

So I am gonna take a nap and say screw everything. I don't care anymore if we eat or don't. Eat a bowl of cereal and like it.

 

MISS POOPY BRITCHES

 

 

 

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I hear you loud and clear and sympathize completely. It's that after-they-hang-up time that gets to me, too....trying to figure out what Don is trying to tell me about the phone call. I've sort of solved that one with close family by me picking up the extension after Don and someone he's talking to has been on the line for 10-15 minutes to say my own hello's but I don't feel comfortable doing that with everyone.

 

I swear we need to write a hand-out to give to people so they'll know these little things that would make our lives so much easier. There has to be a nice way to explain that a fifteen minute call from them will generate a half hour to an hour and a half of time afterwards of our guys trying to share the family news with us spouses. It's frustrating for both of us and a needless waste of time.

 

Good vent!

 

Jean

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Not that many people have ever called Dad...But in the beginning I just started saying, right off the bat. "If you make plans to see him, you need to tell me what they are so I can expect you too". This message can be passed from your son, "OK, I'll put him on, but all plans have to be cleared with Mom too".

 

You can vent in here all you want. Everyone knows I do...lol

 

 

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kristen,

that is just downright RUDE on their part for bypassing you!!!!! you have evrey reason to feel the way you do. and there is nothing wrong with a good pity party sometimes, lord knows i've had plenty!!!!! i don't think you are a miss poopy britches, and i LIKE what you said about let them have a bowl of cereal!!!!!!!! lol lol

 

 

kim pash.gifpash.gif

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I wish I would have seen this yesterday.

 

I have been having the same feeling lately. I wrote about the picnic her parents had, and other than my mom, no talked to me. It's like you get pushed in a corner. I know how you're feeling and it really sucks. It's like no one knows all the effort you are putting in. What you are dealing with all the time. Family and friends come and visit for their hour and that's it.

 

I hope things work out.

 

Butch

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Maybe you should print this Blog and lay it on the table when you are gone for them to find and read....

 

Maybe the same thing will happen to them while they are at your house..

 

Some people are just not very thoughtful....we have one in our family....

 

Bonnie

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Thanks everyone. It has meant more to me than you know to have you guys listen and understand. I wouldn't leave this blog out to read because I KNOW no one is doing this on purpose, I just don't think they understand A) how frustrating it is to try to figure out what they discussed because he wants to share it with me, and B)how often I actually get bypassed and left out (contrary to popular belief, I am not ALWAYS at work) and finally C)how talking to me would make ME feel better and so I could share accomplishments he doesn't always give himself credit for. Not to mention just a chance to have a conversation that doesn't require me work so hard at it!

 

I have hinted that this kinda of bums me out to his brother, but I am not sure if he didn't catch it or thought it was better left for me to approach. So me, being too afraid to offend them or appearing ungrateful, have let it be. I suppose I will try to casually mention it later (MY CHALLENGE, CINDER?)

BTW, they arrived at 7:50, while we were eating our leftover lasagna and said they had checked into the hotel and had went out to dinner. I also think that since his parents retirement, they are trying to live by less of a schedule-I know they would not intend to keep us guessing, they just...did.

Kristen

 

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Kristen,

 

I really identify with your sentence about wanting to have a conversation where you don't have to work so hard. The frustration fo that is probably close to the way stay-at-home mothers feel when they have to answer "why, mommy" questions all day long and they can't have an uninterupted thought of their own.

 

Hang in there and vent here when ever you want, we do understand....

 

Jean

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