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Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Watcha Gonna Do



so i'm going to hawaii. my plane leaves at 7am tomorrow. what am i doing instead of packing? i'm blogging.


this blogging is getting addictive. i'm probably taking my computer along, not to work, but to go on the internet, visit with you guys, and blog. i won't tell John this is one of the main reasons that i'm considering it. he would be hurt, like i can't be on vacation just with him. hell, we're going to an international NA convention. he can hang out with other NA people. it won't be like the international AA convention, where i knew more people than he did, and there was a lot of Al-Anon meetings. NA doesn't seem to take kindly to the rehabilitation of family and friends of addicts; their sister program is very weak. besides, i like staying in touch with my friends when i go away. i have been to so many places and traveled so much and i would like to share it all with my 100 best friends. so, i'll take my cellphone AND my computer. i think that my Verizon national local plan reaches to Hawaii, at least i HOPE it does...besides, although i have somebody covering my practice, my cellphone is my emergency number, so my patients can haunt me at any time.



so my cat Marmaduke is climbing in one of my work file cabinets...he is crawling on a ledge...OH NO! he knocked over a box of old file folders...he is such a BAD BOY...i told him no, but he didn't listen, he just chirped at me...and what do i do? i pick him up and hug and kiss him and he purrs and cuddles with me. which brings me to my next topic...


what makes bad boys so attractive?


ted bundy, the menendez brothers, and richard ramirez (the 'Night Stalker') all got married after they were convicted. recently, a nurse busted out her convict husband from state prison, killing a corrections officer and wounding another one in the process. i live with a cat that is a brat (i have three other ones, but i love him the best) and a husband with tattoos of skulls all over his arms and chest, a 30 year run as an alcoholic/addict, and a pierced eyebrow and chin. there has to be a message in this.


for me, i am attracted to things that are unconventional and fun, but not dangerous and self-destructive (i used to be attracted to things that are/were dangerous and self destructive, but that's another blog. my boring, unattractive, 'nice Jewish lawyer' ex-husband was one of them) Marmaduke does not claw the furniture in a major way, always uses the litterbox, does not pee in my shoes, meticulously grooms himself, is kind and friendly to 2/3 other cats and tolerates the third, accepted my husband after an initial chilly period, likes my friends, and follows me around like a 12 pound dog with whiskers. John, when he's properly medicated, is a sweet, ditsy man who is 8 years sober, goes to NA, AA, and therapy, takes his medication (finally), and likes sex, doing laundry, cooking, and housecleaning. He's not good with bills, paperwork, driving, remembering, or scheduling, but a man who cooks, cleans, and does laundry IS valuable. neither of them are REALLY that bad.


i don't like things that are boring or monotonous. i hate the same-old same-old.

i cringe when i'm forced into a regular routine 24/7. conventional does not sit well with me.


of course, this manifesto is only for me. i try not to judge what other people do, and i work on not judging people, places, or things every day. i fail miserably when it comes to the current national administration, but that's another blog. cleaning.gif George W, i'll put you on my Ninth Step. flowers.gifbop.gif


19. i just LOVE bad boys who are not/no longer dangerous.




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Have you read the article by therapist Toni Coleman where she writes about why bad boys are so attractive to some women? http://www.friendshipisland.com/badboys.htm What she says about the appeal of bad boys is an interesting theory. That they appeal to women: 1) With low-self esteem because they reinforce their negective self-beliefs. 2) Women who lack the capacity for true intimacy. 3) Women who have been the 'rescuer' or 'caregiver' in other relationships, she'll continue to seek out that kind of relationship---sort of looking for the fixer-up guy.



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it's an interesting theory-i have to go to her website.


i think for myself, at this point in time, #1 is not true and #2 and #3 are partly true. i am ambivalent about intimacy because my parents set such a negative example for me (among other things, but i feel that this is the major one)-they are so enmeshed that they are fused at the hip. i am ambivalent about the caretaking role that i was trained for from birth; i was supposed to take care of my mother and make her feel good about herself, less anxious, and less scared (my father used to tell me to take care of her, so this was literal as well as figurative) i would blog about it further but i have to catch a plane in six hours. i came downstairs to shut the computer down, and just had to see if anybody commented on my blog as well as if there were any new posts on threads that i'm interested in.


sandy Neeeedsleeep.gif

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When I think back about a period of 3-4 years in my life when the bad boys attracted me, reason #2 applied. I'd been hurt badly by a guy and I feared intimacy for a while---sort of the "if I don't get emotionally involved, then I can't get hurt again" kind of thing. In the back of my mind I knew there was no future with the bad boys so they were easier to date. In romance fiction, it's usually #3 that is involved. The heroine fixes up the bad boy so that he becomes responsible while still retaining the 'bad boy' outer shell.



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Sandy, if I didn't know better, I'd suggest you see a shrink. LOL! Why is it that all psychiatrists are "different". Does their practice rub off on them?


Seriously though, have a great vacation and soak up some of the rays to last through the coming winter back in cold NY.


I must admit - your BLOGS are extremely interesting. No telling what gems I will find!


Will ,iss you in chat and on the boards, so hurry back to us.



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I was a bad boy lover at one time 10 years ago huh.gif

Fortunately, I fell in love with a boy, trying to be bad, but he ended up a good boy. Thank Goodness, b/c a good man is what I needed. I look back at the bad boys I dated and think my life would suck now. My name prob in the paper for various reasons associated with the bad boy of the moment. I did however have the best sex

blush.gif with the bad boys.??? I 'm shutting up before I say TMI


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I love your attitude and I'm attracted to bad boys too. In Jean's list above, I'd have to say I have a bit of #1 and #2. Alot of #3 and I like fixer upper houses too. (does that count?) I live alone with Petey the Pom and Stockings the cat, both huge brats and I love them to death.

There is also someone on the shadowy boundries of my life that I suspect is a bad boy type. Bad boys can be fun, interesting and never boring.


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It just means that bad boys hit on any and all pretty girls/women that shows up on their radar screen.






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Sandy have fun in Hawaii, soak up some sun and hope the lap top works there so we can have you in chat..

I used to be attracted to bad boys too...probably #3 fixer upper thing..

maybe the emotional intimacy thing because of parents gorwing up,

This one is like Amy's trying to be a bad boy imagewhen we first met,

but NOT and I am very happy!!

HAVE A Wondeful time...Bonnie

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Hi all-i'm back, and too tired to blog, so i'll respond (briefly )here to all of your posts.


i just got back from the International Narcotics Anonymous Convention in Honolulu. there were approx. 8,000 addicts in recovery at the convention. i have never seen so many instances of long hair, outrageous tattoos, pimp chic, ghetto fabulous fashion, punk rock wear, skater style, and all around unconventional looks and attitude, all in people that are clean and sober and hugging each other. at this point in my existence in this life, these are the only type of bad boys that i am willing to hang out with.


i'm not sure that i'm glad to be back, but i'm glad to be on this website again.


sandy cloud9.gif

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