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The Roller Coaster Named Stroke


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So, yesterday, I'm all "up." We'd had several days in a row of getting along so well, no angry words exchanged, no one's feelings hurt.

 

Then yesterday DH is a total a**h*** to me. TO ME, the one who tries 24/7 to watch out for him, make sure he takes his meds, help him plan his day, runs interference with the rest of the family, etc.

 

It started in the car as he drove me to work, and he started it up again when he picked me up. Never have I been so glad to spend 8 hours at my desk pushing papers!

 

On top of the way he treated me, I found out later last night that had told our DIL that the painting she'd done at the new house "looked like s&^%."

 

Our son is going to talk to him about the way he made her feel. Sometimes we're all on eggshells around him. You never know how he's going to take something.

 

This, too shall pass?

 

I wonder.

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Susan,

Have you talked to his doctor about the (I am assuming, here) personality changes? It seems to be common for stroke patients to have less ability to self-moderate what they say to others- whatever they may be thinking may just come out without regard to others feelings. Recognise this as a risudal affect of the stroke and try to not take it personally. Not taking it personally does not equate however, to not addressing it or not letting him know it is not an acceptable practice. Maybe think of it as another facet of his recovery/therapy. I would definately talk to his doctor, there may be medications available to help him, and if not, there are techniques you can use to help him monitor his expressed feelings.

 

In the meantime, HANG IN THERE!

Kristen

 

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Hi,

While I agree with most of what Kristen told you, I completely disagree with her suggestion of medication for the problem. Not every deficit from stroke is treatable with pills and I hate the idea of that.

I know all my natural filters for impulsive behavior were completely wiped out with the stroke as were my filters for socially knowing what was or wasn't acceptable to say or do. Only with focus and attention have I gotten them in place somewhat. I am not 100 percent healed in this area yet. But I would tell myself over and over what not to do, so you will be able to help your husband get this back in time, but it will require much patience on your part.

No one in my family will ever forget the christmas concert of 2003 by the elemtary band of which my son was a part of. Afterwards the band teacher was chatting with us, asked if we enjoyed the program ect.... I blurted out "I thought they sucked!" At that point what I thought came right out of my mouth. I couldn't help it. Nor was I ever naturally tactful pre stroke, and post stroke tact had gone out the window. Nah, to be honest Tact was no longer apart of my life. But I've gotten some, not alot, but I can at least bite my tongue now.

Pam

 

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LOL PAM AND YES I AGREE YOU CAN GET SOME MOOD BEHAIVIOPURSTABILIZING MEDS I WAS ON SOME AT FIRST FOR AWHILE

BUT THEY MADE ME FEEL LIKE A FREAKING ZOMBIE ALL THE TIME SO I TOOK MYSELF OFF OF THEM COMPLETELY NOW I USE PAMS METHOD OF BITEIBNG TOUNGE NOW I STILL OPEN MOUTH AND INSERT FOOT SOMETIMES TO THIS DAY

BUT NOT AS BAD AS I USE TO THANK GOD I HAVE HAD TO LEARN TO STOP SPEAKING WAT I ACTUALLY WAS THINKING IN MY MIND CUS AT FIRST WAT EVER POPPED IN MY MIND FLEW RIGHT OUT MY MOUTH AT THAT MOMENT WITH NO TTHINKING INVOLVED YES YOU WILL GET THREW THIS IN TIME

HANG TUFF AND GOOD LUCK!!!IT WILL BE A WILD RIDE SO BE PREPAREF LIKE PAM I'VE SAID SOME THINGS OUT IN PUBLIC MYSEL LIKE IN A RESTUARANT

AT FIRST WHEN MY IMPULSESIVITY WAS REALLY RAGING BAD AND WAY OUTA CONTROLL I WAS IN A RESTUARANT THE WAITER ASKED IF MY MEAL WAS GOOD I SAID HELLL NOOO VERY LOUD AND IF U WOULD STOP COMING BY HERE SO MUCH ASKING THESES DUMB A##$$ WQUSTIONS I WOULD BE HAPPIER TO

NEEDLESS TO SAY EVERYBODY WAS IMBARRASED EXCEPT ME

I THPOUGHT ALL WAS OK AND NOT WORRIED AT ALL BUT U SEE THE DRIFT HERE YES IT CAN CAUSE PERSONALITY CHANGES MY DOC ONCE TOLD ME THAT WHO EVER U WERE BEFORE THE STROKE U WILL B THE OPPOSITE AFTERWORDS AND SOME JUST KINDA DOUBLE UP THE WAY THE WERE WELL IN MY CASE I DIDNT CHANGE IN MY PERSONALITY MUCH WELL AT FIRST I DID

 

LOL I REMEMBER WAKING UP ONE TIME LOOKING AT MY WIFE AT THE TIME LOL SAYING HUN U SURE ARE ONR SEXY TRANSVESTITE LAUGHING MY BUTT OFF NOT REALIZING WAT I SAID TILL I SAW HER FRIEND THERE TO LAUGHING SAYING SEE I TOLD YOU ONE DAY LOL HE WOULD FIND OUT LOL

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i agree with what everybody has said. some people are helped by antidepressants and mood stabilizers and some are not. prestroke individual and family dynamics also play a part in these behaviors.these behaviors need to be evaluated on a case by case basis. my husband, who has a traumatic brain injury received in a car crash in 9/04, which is very much like a stroke, is helped by the combination of medications (antidepressants, mood , 12-step support groups, and therapy and will be hopefully starting formal cognitive rehab soon. if he hasn't had one already, your husband needs an evaluation by a neuropsychologist, a neurologist and a psychiatrist to see what combination of mets/therapy might work for him

 

for myself, i had neuropsychological testing and cognitive rehab after i stroked and am now on two antidepressants, which help tremendously, as well as being in therapy and Al-Anon and continuing cognitive rehab on my own. i stroked 8 years ago.

 

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