slowe's Blog

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Entries in this blog

Missing In Action

Sorry I've been missing-in-action lately.   The daily saga with DH's health continues.   After two incredibly bad weekends (with him not feeling up-to-par and his fsubsequent foul moods) peaked on Tuesday, when his blood pressure dropped to 80/60. (Normally with a bag full of meds, his BP runs 140/80).   It was an inconvenient as could be, with me being the only one in the office and it being the final day of the month, with billing to be done after 5pm.   But there we were, on the l

slowe

slowe

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Today is our 39th wedding anniversary.   After Rolly's stroke, I kind of "gave up" on him remembering things like that. So this year I decided not to get him a card or even mention what day it was.   Imagine my surprise when I got up this morning and there was a card sitting on the bathroom sink!   He said he was in a store the other day and happened to walk down the card aisle, and something in his "post stroke" brain remembered our anniversary. He did have to ask someone what the dat

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slowe

Is This As Good As It Gets?

As I last posted, Rolly is now 2 years past stroke (actually 2 years and nearly 3 months!)   Is this as good as it gets?   I'm thinking so.   Short term memory is shot to hell.   Patience level is extremely lowered.   Get's confused and overstimulated.   How do I put this one...........virtually no interest in sex.   Every day we start over, apologize for yesterday's mistakes, and vow to make this a "good day". But most days it still seems like I'm giving 99.9% and he's g

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slowe

Rolly's 2 year Stroke-A-Versary

It's been a long two years. Rolly and I are both currently on antidepressants. But we're hanging in there, and some days that's all you can ask.   Here's something I wrote for a friend's emag. Tomorrow is Rolly's 2 yr "stroke-a-versary."       On April 1, 2005 my husband, who had just turned 58, had a stroke.   On our last "normal" day together we went to dinner at a new restaurant, watched a little television, and went to bed.   My husband tells me (I slept through this part)

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slowe

New Year's Eve

I'm going on the record.   I HATE New Year's Eve. I don't see it as looking back on a great year, I've always felt it was more of looking back on a year with regret.   And life is too short for regrets, as I've surely found out the last 1 1/2 since Rolly's stroke.   So to all of you, I wish you all a New Year filled with hope.    

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slowe

For This I am Thankful

I still have a husband. Not the same husband I had before the stroke, and certainly not the husband I wish I could have back, but he's still here, relatively healthy, and   FOR THIS I AM THANKFUL!

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slowe

Frustrating Day with the VA

Don't get me started on the VA.   He's gone in about every 4 weeks all summer for a CK blood test, as the level just kept going up and up each time. (a high CK level can be a precursor heart attack -- wonderful!) About 5 weeks ago the new DR took him off his lovastatin (for cholesterol) and the test on the 8th is finally near normal   But here's how the conversation went down yesterday   The DR was supposed to "get back to me" with the results. of course that never happened. So i plac

slowe

slowe

Once Was Lost, But Now Is Found

For my last birthday, one my elder son's wife gave me a gift card to Michaels. I opened presents, cleared off the table, threw away the wrappings, etc. That was the last time I saw the gift card. Looked hi and lo, but to no avail.   Fast forward nine months to this weekend's cleaning spree. And you'll never guess what I found in one of the bags of recipes, grocery lists, junk mail, etc. You betcha---my once lost gift card is found!   Now to combine it with one of their famous 40% off coup

slowe

slowe

Late Night Reading

I just bought two books from Amazon. I didn't realize they had come until Rolly went out the front door at midnight (long story, he smelled smoke, everything is fine! (~_~) But, anyway, he found the box outside and set is in the bathroom. A few minutes later I got up to let one of the dogs out and found the box. Thinking it was the machine for his sleep study, I promptly went back to bed where I tossed and turned for about 20 minutes. I figured I might as well get up and watch the video a

slowe

slowe

Red Hat Saturday

Red Hat Saturday     My Red Hat friend, Jan, & I had a delightful day Saturday! It was a full 12 hours from the time she picked me up in EG till she dropped me back off. Amtrak was rather slow we thought, but that gave us more time for chatting on the way in (and sleeping on the way back!)   The Ferry Building and outdoor farmer's market were wonderful! We both came back with our tote bags overflowing. http://www.ferrybuildingmarketplace.com/   It was hard to choose a place to eat

slowe

slowe

First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

I started what ultimately became a tradition the first time I held my brand new grandchild back in 1994. I had someone take my picture.   "I must capture this memory," I thought to myself. And then I decided that I would always have my picture taken the first time I held a new grandbaby.   What I didn't know then is the memory of that precious moment--all seven of them (so far!)--would be indelibly kept deep in my mind and heart forever.    

slowe

slowe

Minute by Minute

Got my first stroke support newsletter in the mail yesterday. It came at a good time! Rolly had had an "off" day and was a bit grouchy, and it reminded me that it's not only day by day, but sometimes minute by minute!   We're in the middle of a heat wave, expected to be between 105 and 110 today. Off to work 1/2 day, then home and in the pool!

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slowe

Attended my first Survior Meeting

I finally decided I had to do SOMETHING, so attended a stroke survivor group meeting held at Kaiser. After a brief time together, they split into two groups, surviviors, and caregivers (that's me!). They of course wanted to hear my story (I kinda felt like I was at an AA meeting, you know..."Hi, my name is Susan. (~_~)   It was amazing to see them all start to nob and smile as I related me story....been there, done that, all of them! It was encouraging to know that!   I came away with a

slowe

slowe

15 1/2 Months Post Stroke

Sometimes it seems like the shock and scare of Rolly's stroke was just yesterday, but some days (like lately) it seems like this is the life we have always lived.   A life where marriage is no longer 50/50 (if it ever was?), but 90/10, weighted heavily on my part.   A life where I often feel like I'm walking on eggshells just to not "push his buttons" and set him off.   A life where "For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health" has new meaning daily.    

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slowe

We're still here!

I can't believe how long it's been since we posted.   Nothing wrong, just "life" taking up our time!   As I've come to expect, Rolly has good days and bad days, and after a year I think I finally realize how "optimistic" I was when the first few days and weeks I told everyone how lucky we were that it was a "minor" stroke. I truly didn't realize the ramifications it would have on our life, since he didn't have what I considered the "typical" stroke aftermath---paralysis, speech problem

slowe

slowe

Rolly's 1 yr Anniversary

Hard to believe that just one short year ago, Rolly and I had blissfully gone to sleep, after trying out a new Mexican restaurant, and little did we know that we would be awakened in a few hours with what we would later find out was his stroke.   Life goes on, and things are so much different than a year ago. We have given up much, but are thankful he is still here, and keep on trying every day!

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slowe

It's a Good Thing

Rolly and I are again making a concerted effort every single day to avoid the confrontations and silly arguing that has arisen since his stroke.   That, plus me working out 20 minutes a day on the elliptical trainer (like a nordic track, I think!) and cutting out junk food for the last two weeks and found me in a much better mood, feeling better about life in general, and 4 pounds lighter!   It's a good thing!

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slowe

Baby Steps

We had lunch at new restaurant yesterday.   I liked it more than Rolly. Quaint little old house with one room being a small wine bar, and two rooms turned into dining rooms. Let's see, he didn't like the tap water, the french onion soup was too salty, they should have used bigger shrimp in the shrimp croissant, the kenneback fries were soggy. He did like the mixed spring green sald with champagne vinagerette though! We shared---he had most of the salad and half the croissant, I had most of t

slowe

slowe

Little Things

Seems as soon as I posted the last entry, things got better around here. Rolly and I are getting along pretty well, and he seems to have made peace with things (at least for now!) Yesterday he surprised the girls with "homemade doughnuts" for breakfast......refrigerated biscuits that he cut holes in and deep fried! They had a ball frosting and decorating them.   Somedays it really is the little things!

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slowe

Ruffled Feathers

Seems like every day it's something.   Rolly has been in good spirits the last week. His biggest issue is with the girls (granddaughtersw we live with). They are 6 and 10. The (seemingly) constant noise and confusion bothers him. I try to play the mediator. I understand his issues with "sensory overload" since the stroke. But I also know this is THEIR house we live in, and it seems like I'm always the one trying to smooth out ruffled feathers, explain what the other person meant. etc.  

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slowe

Open Letter to Rolly

Another morning of bickering.   When does it stop? You tell me it's "all" my fault, that "I" am the one who causes all our problems. I think you forget how hard this is on me. How hard it is to lose part of you. How hard to be the one to take charge of every single aspect of our lives, to make all the hard decisions. To lose part of my best friend, my helpmate, my lover.   I know it's hard on you. That's a given. But please remember we've BOTH had to deal with the future not being w

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slowe

Good Day For A Fire!

Cold and windy and rainy here in Northern California today. Good day for a fire, which we have roaring in the fireplace as I speak.   Rolly is making chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, and roasted asparagus and proscuitto for dinner.   He's been really tired and out of it this week, fighting a head cold. Times like this it's really obvious what the stroke took out of him.

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slowe

We're Back

Rolly had a good trip. I think we appreciate each other more when we have a little break from each other! I am making plans to go to my niece's wedding in May, and then spend a few days in TX with our daughter and family.   Thanks, Sue, for asking where we were! Just busy with "life" you know. But I should never be too busy to chat with friends!    

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slowe