Pam

You already know 'the one month per year that you were together' rule for people to recover from a relationship gone bad. So I won't repeat it here or point out that one-night stands or two-week stands---if there is such a phrase---only take the blink of an eye before you're ready to move on. Check out Amazon.com I'll bet they really do have a Relationship for Dummies book. But what makes you think that ANYONE knows what they want in a mate before they actually have that chemistry going for them when they meet?

Jean

Mom &Pam:

I m no expert on relationship, but I know you have to do some adjustments for anyone you live with, and it is always give and take in relationship, ok that's my 2 cents.

Asha

Sister Pam

there is a book called "Relationships For Dummies" that's part of the "Dummies" series. i skimmed through it at Barnes & Noble (they're open to 11 pm in NYC, so i use them like a library.) the book is, predictably, dumb.

i'll just tell you my story about meeting John after my divorce. it was only when i focused on myself ,and started to figure out what i wanted in life, that i became avaiable to meet someone.

throw away the books about relationships and focus on yourself and what you want out of life for you.

sandy

I am no expert on relationships... know I found John when I definately didn't care about having a relationship. I do know you have to love yourself before you can share the love. I think also you can't go into a relationship "thinking" you can change the other person. We all have quirks and :idiocryciences" I think it's about finding the other person's "quircks" cute and not something that would drive you nuts.

I think the first step in a relationship is friendship. Also finding someone with the same morals, trust and what is important to you...

I am lucky to have found someone like that..it is 14 years now...

Bonnie

Well Pam, You got it all going your way, you will find the right path. Here is one you wrote about a year ago:It is only the heart one can see rightly--what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Remember reading that passage?? So you can be Little Princess this time around.

The who or What is important. I'm on the 4th time around, half of what Liz Taylor accomplished. The Who is invisible to you at present.

Pam,

Knowing what you want is important in working towards a career, but not so much in a relationship. Obviously, you need to know what behaviors you will and will not tolerate, which you say you have already determined. That is all you really NEED to have figured out. Think of it this way: if you know what you want and search it out, then couldn't you possibly turning away from something else that might still be just as fulfilling?

Don't worry if you don't know if you want marriage or just someone to become inimate friends with or whatever. Take each relationship as it comes to you and enjoy it without expectation of where it is going. When it gets to the point where you decide you need this or that from the relationship, you'll do what you need to to make it happen or decide to move on. If you are happy with the relationship, then why worry if it's what you previously decided you wanted. You're happy, right? And if you're NOT happy, then you know it's NOT what you want, so you can change it.

I hope I am making sense and not talking in circles. (I sometimes think I don't articulate myself very well...lol)

Take Care,

Kristen