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The blahs

Guest

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I don't know what it is, but it seems the blahs are going around here-especially with the caregivers- and I'm no exception. Oh, I know what is bothering me, but I have to wonder...Is it the the phase of the moon; are we caregivers on some sort of cycle similar to that of women who live together; are the blahs contagious through the computer like a real life virus; or am I just seeing it in this light because thats the frame of mind I'm in???

 

I know I am down because our assistant told us this week she is going back to work and no longer will be able to help (she won't be able to help us here AT ALL because she will be working with me again, and any sort of fratinization can get me fired). I am completely bummed out about it because I know that I will not be able to spend as much time as she does working with Patrick on his speech homework, and the truth is, I don't think I have it in me to do it even if I did have the time. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way. Part of me just feels like there is no point in trying to replace her; the jig is up.

 

My 14 year old son is being 14, and I feel like a single parent. And as a single parent, I am working mostly nights so that I can take Patrick to therapy and appointments during the day. So that leaves my 14 year old home alone with my husband. Because of Patrick's cognitive deficits, I think my son thinks he and my husband are a little bit more "equal" than parent/child, and my husband obviously thinks differently. This leaves my husband nagging my son, and my son calling me at work to play the middle man, and I am sick of it. How do you tell an argumentative 14 year old to stop arguing with my aphashic husband who can't argue back, and how do you convince someone with some deficits to cut a little slack? I try to keep the peace, but to no avail. I am just as guilty as my husband in this child rearing crisis- my son really is challanging me lately, and I sometimes get so tired of trying to get him to JUST PASS SCHOOL (he has ADD, and this year he has REFUSED any meds) that i feel like it is hopeless. I love him so much, but why did my husband and my son have to need me SO MUCH at the same time!!!!

 

I miss having friends. My husband has been my best friend for years, and while my other friends are still dear to me, they do not live nearby, and I don't talk to them much. All I want is to be carefree again, to have some fun that lasts for more than a moment before it's gone. I am not even neccesarily missing the life we had before, I am missing the fun I use to have with friends when I was in school a million years ago. Isn't that ridiculous? To suddenly miss something you haven't missed in years?

 

I feel like the weight of our family existance is on my shoulders, and you know what? IT IS!!! I just want to go to bed, crawl under a warm blanket and cry myself to sleep. But I can't. So I try to get up everyday and face the day with hopes that I will get through it unscathed, or that maybe I'll be able to make someone else feel better with a few encouraging words. I try to be positive, I really do. This week has just been hard.

 

Kristen

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Phyllis4732

Kristen, sounds like you need some time off. As for your son, he's at a bad age. Teens are different from when I was young. I have a 15 year old grandniece and she is something else. BTW, do not feel badly that your son isn't taking meds. Many of them are quite dangerous. It;s hard to explain to a child his age about his father. Must be a sort of shock to him too. Just when he and his Dad should be doing male- bonding things like fishing, ball etc. his Dad isn't able. How about Big Brothers? Would Patrick feel insulted? If not, could be what your son needs,

 

As for you - are there any groups that have Caregivers Days. Here, every month, a church or a rehab have a program where they "take care" of the patient (feed and have "entertainment and activities) and the Caregiver can go do what she must, whether it be an appointment, hair date at beauty parlor, lunch, a meeting or whatever. I think that is a super idea for the groups that do it. Can Patrick get out to go to a Day Care type place?

 

Things will get brighter for you, I'm sure. Each day is a day when some progress takes place. Just takes forever it seems

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bstockman

You are doing a great job, and I know it is tiring.

Big Brother might be a good idea. Also how about the high school or is there a college in your area, to help with your son's school work and if there is a college there may be a student in speech therapy that would like some extra cash or to work with someone.

If you could coordinate the tutor with when you are off maybe you could get out for awhile.

 

Blahs, could be change of weather, Fall is here and winter not far behind.

 

Hope your new week gets an uplift for you

 

sending virtual hugs, pash.gifpash.gif Bonnie

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WfnShow330

Ah, yes. The "What If's!!! Those are great, aren't they? When I start thinking about the "What If's", it just makes me more crazy than I already am.

 

Stay strong and things will work out. You are doing a great job. You might not think so, but you are. It's easy to say take some time for yourself, but you and I both know, there is never time for yourself.

 

I get by remembering that for every down day there is one day that makes it all worth the effort.

 

Butch

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givincare

I am trying to stay strong, trying not to let things get me down. The problem is, things DO have me down and I am having a hard time keeping my chin up. I feel like I've held it up so long that I simply can't do it anymore, I need a break. Sometimes I feel angry that I have to deal with all of this by myself, even though I know it's no one's fault. Other times I just want to give up- take my ball and go home.

 

I love my husband and my son more than words can describe, but it has been hard this week to rally my inner troops. As a matter of fact, it feels like they are on strike.

 

Kristen

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WfnShow330

Just my two cents worth.

 

If Patrick and your son's feuding is what is making you crazy, may I suggest sitting with them together and explaining to them what this does to you. My kids, at the beginning, were arguing like crazy. I sat them down and discussed it with them. After that, their behaviors changed for the better. I'm guessing you have done this already. Good Luck!

 

Butch

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