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THOUGHTS BROUGHT ABOUT BY A REPLY

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On my last blog, EdDurang said "Till death do us part or until somebody better comes along" Bitter and cynical, yes it is. But how true. In the realm of being single and almost divorced, I can relate to that. Somebody new. Hmmmmm, I need to examine whats so special about someone new.

Having someone new opens one up to a whole new experience. A chance to learn new things. An opportunity to adopt a whole new outlook on how to deal with daily life.

The downside to someone new, is of course the "shelf life" of the new relationship. The lack of history, the absence of time invested. The threads and fabric that wove the old relationship together. The blending and meshing of personalities. The chance of risk involved in someone new. The odds are 50/50 if it will work. Also, the fact remains if how real" the other person is will be acceptable without feeling the need to fabricate ones self to tailor make themselves into what the other one wants. To become a chameleon(sp?)

The upside is of course the excitement and the anticipation. This is the point that expectations come home to roost.Now is the time when all the important questions are asked. "Are they what I want?" "Can I accept them flaws and all? Could I be with them 24/7 without killing them? Do I find them worthy of the sacrifices I'd have to make? So once at this place involving someone new, it becomes a matter of stepping back and observing. Deep breaths needed here.

Pam

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jriva

 

 

You girls are SO bad!!! What ever happened to dating around---playing the field---and not worrying so much about the long run? It's not a race. And to quote on of Pam's earlier blogs: it's about the journey, not the destination.

 

Seriously, there is a danger for newly divorced people who have long indentified themselves as half of a whole to want to rush out and find another half to fill a void. That's really a mistake because they unconsiously will always pick what is disfunctionally familiar to them. i.e. in the image of their soon-to-be x or a parent with a negative influence in their lives. Divorced people need to first find themselves so they know who THEY are. Otherwise they just keep making the same relationship mistakes over and over again. You can't tailor-make yourself to what you think will please someone else and not have to pay the piper for that mistake down the road.

 

It all goes right back to the 'one month for each year of marriage' rule that a divorced person should wait before then get themselves committed to another exclusive relationship. That will give you time to find Pam defined by Pam...not Pam the way some guy wants you to be. That's when you'll be ready to share your life with someone else. So slow down and enjoy the scenry along your journey of discovery!

 

Jean

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Guest

That's why I'm proud to call you mom and sister. Yup, you both nailed it. Sandy, no answer yet..... lol_2.gif

Pam

I had forgotten all about the journey is the destination, thanks for the reminder!

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