Janice

A blog by jstern in General

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Alone and Blue

Guest

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My hubby got mad this afternoon and left the house in his truck, it's been 5+ hours,

Son left with his girlfriend in th car and a guy friend of his..it's been 2 hours. I have no vehicle to go anywhere with.

So, here I sit, feeling alone and blue feeling like I am to blame for hubby's anger. I try to do my best and do what I can, but that's never enough and I do it the wrong way, according to hubby, and son.

I live in a house of anger..son and hubby. Today, I wished I had somewhere I could go...a friend to talk with and get a better perspective on things.

This cancer hubby is fighting is sapping all 'our' energy. I'm worn out from my d@*% stroke and hubby is worn out from chemo and radiation... nausea.

The onocologist prescribed an anti nausea pill today that I had filled this afternoon...the retail of it is $1,147.97(for only 30 little tablets) but our copay is only $15 . I hope it works, it'd better for that much! I think it'd be worth it if it does work...time will tell.

What would I do if hubby were to die from this cancer? I guess I'd die,too.

 

Just found out he's at his sister's place. Real nice that he just left our house and didn't let anyone know where he went...I had to guess and called her to see if he was there.

 

I'm so angry and upset I could cry and scream at the same time. Too much stress, I can't handle it. I'm ready to check out. This wasn't on the travel brochure. bouncesmile.gif

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Phyllis4732
Come on Janice - you know this aggravation and stress you are putting on yourself are no good. I know things are difficult. No doubt your husband feels pressure too. Here he is supposed to be the pillar of strength instead of ill with cancer and needing med costing 1000+. You're lucky it only cocts $15 co pay. It must have gold in it. I had a nausea problem when in rehab. Dumb Dr. I got (switched and took who we could get) sent her medical assistant and he told me the med wasn't making me ill. I told him that I am taking everything I was taking before except that med and never got sick from it. Anyway, he said no one gets sick from it. I said I wouldn't take it and I had no more problem and didn't have to take the anti-nausua pills to correct anything. Dr.s Humph! Anyway, give your husband a little slack. You know he's really feeling badly - and it's not helping you either .
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jstern

Ok, Phyllis, you've guilted me into feeling bad for being upset yesterday.

It's always bugged me that he doesn't talk with me, he'll go to his sister and talk for hours about stuff and I have to 'pump' information out of him. He assumes I know all that he's told his sister and that he doesn't need to repeat himself to me. Grrrrrrr!

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Guest
What would I do if hubby were to die from this cancer? I guess I'd die,too.

 

janice, i think that those thoughts and that reaction is downright unhealthy. it speaks of a real loss of boundaries and enmeshment. if your husband literally dies (and i really, truly, hope that he doesn't) he dies, not you. if you die as a direct result of his cancer, then you're committing suicide, either actively or passively.

 

i hope that this statement was just a metaphor indicationg how you would feel if he literally died, and not what wwould actually happen if he literally died.

 

sandy cloud9.gif

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