Butch,

Hey cut yourself some slack. It is only the first week. Listen, now more then ever you and Lisa have to talk about everything and share this journey together. It isn't just happening to Lisa only or you, you both are involved, share it.

Also, Butch, you are human and we all are flawed in some way and we all mess up and we all lose it once in awhile, no one is perfect. Try to lay off wanting everything to be perfect, you'll learn that life like stroke recovery is all about adapting and compensating.

Remember "There are many paths to the same goals." Get used to thinking outside of the box, throw away all your preconcieved notions of how things should be. Life is different now, you'll need to grieve for what was and take your own journey of acceptance. It isn't easy but it is worthwhile you'll see.

Pam

Butch,

From another caregiver's point of view, I understand the guilt and shame you felt when you snapped at Lisa. I've been there too. And you will snap at her again someday, trust me on that one.

However, this (the adjustment period) is happening to both of you, not just to Lisa, and you have to let your natural emotions out and work through them. Lisa has known you a long time and in her heart she understands and forgives you. You cannot let your guilt over your very human reaction to the fall cause you to take your eye off the long range goals here and to withdraw into your own little world of shame. You HAVE to forgive yourself for your snapping at Lisa or she will not be able to move past feeling like a burden to you.

The breaking down in front of Lisa probably was a long time in coming and not just about the incident earlier that morning. The stress of the last few months has caught up with you, I'm guessing. If that is true, share that with her. Let her know that you didn't break down just because of the fall or your snapping at her about it. Let her know that if you snap at her again it doesn't mean that she's a burden. It only means that you are learning, too, and sometimes you're going to make mistakes trying to figure out the best way to balance the husband with the caregiver. You've only had the job a week. It will take time to work it all through.

Butch, things will get better. You have to believe that and you have to make Lisa believe that. The fear and dread will go away in time. You have to believe that too. It might take a few months, it might take a year before your life will settle down into a New Normal that brings happiness and joy back into your lives. But it will happen if you want it to happen.

Jean

Butch:

afer wha Jean and Pam said there is no other words of wisdom I can give you, except for my own survivor view points, you guys are married didn't you snap at her before, why would it take different meaning this time, and whatever she is doing by herself in the house is itself therapy, so don't worry that therapy is not happening, trust me things will get easier, you guys are family and going to stick together no matter what, and everyone is allowed to have meltdown once a while

Asha

Pam, Jean & Asha have all said it very nicely. Don't beat yourself up. You are human. You are nervous about having Lisa home and having thing "perfect". Falls happen, no one is to blame. Tempers flare. Our nerves get wound a little to tight. I know (survivor) my emotions are a little closer to the surface and I cry or get upset easier. Sit down have a cup of hot cocoa and a snuggle. You are both trying extremely hard. You will get a routine and things will be easier. You will get the therapy back on track and once the soreness is gone you may find she has not lost as much ground as you thought. Recovery is forwards and some backwards and then foreward..

Bonnie

Butch-

Nothing ever works out just as we invision, try as we might. There is always going to that X factor that we never thought of to throw us a curve ball. Try to let go of the idea that her progression is within your control. It isn't.

All we can do as caregivers is try to deal with what is thrown at us: Sometimes I can catch the ball, sometimes I drop the ball, and sometime I get nailed right between the eyes, and no one yelled, "heads up". Sometimes I even want to take my ball and go home. But, I take one look into the face of the man I married, and somehow I know that however down I am feeling, however badly I screwed up, it will get better because I still have HIM. He is the love of my life, just as Lisa is the love of yours. The better day always arrives.

Dust yourself off and put the day behind you. So it was crappy. So you lost your temper. YOU ARE HUMAN. So is she. As long as neither of you are pretending that everything is perfect and within your control- you will get through this.

Kristen

Better days ahead.

Be positive as much as possible.

Take care

lorrainelm