I had a visit from Ray's Stroke assesment Team social worker today. Ray is to go into an assessment program, seven weekly meeetings on Tuesday afternoons. We miss the first session, on St Valentine's Day as we will be away on a five day break.The first session is an assessment day (another one!)the rest will involve professionals, OT, ST, physios etc that will evaluate the group and each member of the group.

I have agreed to drive Ray to these meetings as I think that out of the comfort of his own setting Ray "may" tell some of the truth about himself. Maybe in the presence of other stroke survivors he will let down the "everything is fine" face and be honest about himself, how he feels and how he feels he is doing. This is my hope anyway. Because I think the "everything is fine" thing is keeping him from actually doing the work he needs to do to get fit again. I'd like to see him realise that with some help he could do much better.

After she spent a lot of time with Ray and I actually got to clean down the bathroom walls as I knew no-one was going to want to use it for an hour, it was my turn under the spotlight.

This is the same social worker who has been trying since last October to get me three hours respite on a Wednesday morning. This was to start before Christmas, then maybe in the New Year nd then maybe February. But no sign of that so far. So her track record of going from theory to practical help is not good.

Instead of askng me how I would use the time she is gong to give me (ha ha) she then focussed on my relationship with our son who mostly lives here. She gave me a lecture on how to split the work, split the bills, get a better handle on my finances so "we" could manage Ray better. She was so concerned with telling me how I should treat my son as a young adult with responsibilities and some reality thinking so he would understand what he needed to do in the circumstances etc that when I burst into tears she interpretted that as a sign of my "stress".

She told me I must keep trying to resolve this problem, she knew how hard it was for me but it was definitely the best all around if I just kept trying to solve the trouble with my need of care for Ray by making sure my son took his part etc. EXCUSE ME does something seem out of kilter here or is it just me?

It is so easy to get sidetracked when talking with a social worker or government professional that all of a sudden it seems like YOU the client are the cause of all the trouble. If only I could motivate my son to help me more with his father, help myself by being firm about taking time away from Ray whether he likes it or not, help Ray to be doing more so he can take a load of my shoulders maybe then my little problems with not enough help for Ray will go away? RIGHT!!!

And before you all tell me what I should have said to that social worker picture me in my kitchen, with tears running down my face, trying to think of just anything to make her shut up and go away.

Think twice Sue, before you ask to put yourself through all that again.

And I still don't know if I will ever get a few hours off to do some of the things I need to do.