You've got to accept the way you are now, the way you was is behind you. Look ahead and accept yourself doing things a little differently and a little slower pace. You can still do it but not like you once did.

You are still good at what you did, but not as fast. Make sense?

Yep it makes total sense. There is this part of me though that holds on to this remote possibility that I could be the same. When I accept I can't that hope is gone. I'm trying very hard to get past that.

hey AJ:

It feels so great to write you this, I struggled same questions what you are struglling right now, like acceptance, does it mean you are giving up hope to get better, what helped me bring peace was accepting my today but still keeping faith to improve over the coming years, you will still do the same things you love but maybe little differently, and who knows what future holds for you, I was thinking about developing some programs which helps in visual defects, the therapy which I took for my vision loss. I know if I put my head to it I can do it, but I also need sound board with whom I can share my project like team project, let me know if you are upto it

Asha

I TOTALLY HATE SAYING THIS AS I SOUND LIKE MY HUSBAND AND TO HEAR HIM USED TO P. ME O.!

BUT GIVE IT TIME, YOU IN THE EARLY STAGES, YOU WILL FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU TAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF. *****GIVE YOURSELF TIME***** YOU WILL FEEL LIKE YOUR OLD SELF 95% IN A WHILE

BELIEVE ME I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND YOUR ANXIOUSNESS!!! I WAS BAD BUT I BET MEN ARE WORSE!

I was 42 at the time of stroke, I'm now going on 46 (YOU WILL HEAL FASTER FOR YOUR AGE THAN ME, AGE IS ON YOUR SIDE)next month and feel pretty damn much like my old self, HONESTLY.... I'm going to go try the climbin wall at our fitness center soon.. Don'tpush it before you really feel ready and not like you're scarin yourself to try something...it WILL COME!!!!!!

IT TOTALLY SUCKS THAT THIS CAN HAPPEN AND TAKE YEARS OUT OF YOUR TIME HERE

BUT TRY TO VIEW IT AS A PASS CARD TO REDO YOURSELF! mAKE THE BEST NEW YOU, YOU NOW HAVE KNOWLEDGE AS TO JUST HOW PRECIOUS LIFE TRULY IS AND HOW FAST IT CAN TURN ON A DIME!!!!THAT CAN BE PRETTY DAMN SIGNIFICANT AND PRIORITY CLEARING GOOOD LUCKKK, JAN :gleam:

AJ, I don't want to beat a dead horse to death, but I walk very slow now and I'm thankful for my scooter, but one day I hope to be able to run around my block and back. I walk that distance now, it takes me 1 hour and 10 minutes. I have a vision.

Asha,

I would love to help. I'm not quite sure what I can do at this point. My background is J2EE. I look forward to hearing from you.

AJ

AJ,

I am coming in on this late. Jan/scrappier and Fred and Asha pretty much said all I could.I once was where you are now and kicking around without a purpose to my life. It is eye opening how much of our idenities are wrapped up in our jobs or careers, isn't it?

When the Dr. medically retired me at 38, I hated the thought, I struggled internally against the idea. But 4 years later, I can say retirement isn't bad at all. My perspective changed. What helped give me a positive purpose to my life is volunteering here, and reading Zen parables. Also once I reached acceptance, I found that post stroke life wasn't all that bad. Give yourself some time to find something to substitute for your job.

Pam

PS. In another blog entry you mention the Rockies. They are beautiful I agree. I once lived in Boulder, Colorado and explored the Rockies. The Rockie Mountains make the Catskill Mountains of where I live now look like molehills.

Pam

hey AJ:

is J2EE is anyhow related with java then u r the man I m looking for. I was thinking of developing java applet or simple gamewhich could be run from webpage.

we can chat more online and I can explain you how the game works, I have written skeleton of it, but not that sophiscated yet

Asha