I thought I would do one more blog about the Stroke Ed group before it fades into unreality again. At the meetings we got quite a lot of hand-outs. No wonder we don't have trees around now, we have hand-outs instead. Government agencies are particularly good at hand-outs, it saves them doing the hands-on work.

I just had a look at the "Carer's Strategies for Coping" It has all the usual stuff in it.

I. Take one day at a time

2. Recognise small successes. [We say that a lot to the survivors here but not so much to the caregivers. We don't say: "Congratulations, you cleaned up the latest "accident" and you didn't pewk, great! well done!"]

3. Take it easy - let some things go

4. Remember to look after yourself [i said I'd scream if one more person said that to me.]

5. Recognition of your efforts may come when you least expect it [ or never, whichever comes first.]

6. Focus on one goal at a time - learn to prioritise [ this is one of those "you should try" statements that I hate so much, of course I "should prioritise", but that is just one more thing to add to the bottom of the list.]

7. Patience and tolerance - think twice before reacting :uhm:

8. Accept yourself and your limits [this is refreshing, a strategy that deals with me and not the person I am caring for, for a change. Accepting myself with my limits. I'll try.]

9. Include laughter in your day

10. Remember the good times you shared [this is probably why I am here after almost seven years as this includes three children and three+ grandchildren.]

11. Take time out - have your own interests [ I do have interests I can do with or without time out, but sometimes I'd rather have the time off instead.]

12. Talk to others - keep in touch with friends [hello to those who chat, and thanks for being there.]

13. Make time for your favourite activities [imagine a scream here if you will.]

14. Have quiet time to yourself

15. Use prayer and or meditation

16. Try to keep a positive attitude

17. Accept help when offered [and keep your sense of humour going till then. :big_grin: ]

18. Accept support from family and friends [ there are a lot of posts on THIS one so I'll not add anything here. Lucky it didn't say "expect" instead of "accept".]

19. Accept the situation

20. Put things in perspective [ I think the social worker thought she was doing this for us. But unless it means sweep it all under the carpet, she failed.]

21. Learn to step back [this should not apply when your survivor is falling, that is when you should learn to step forward. Or maybe if it is a bad day, out of the way.]

Then mysteriously:

22. Include your partner by:

Asking their opinion

Encouraging independence

Planning ahead

Giving them tasks to do

Encouraging them to take part in decision making

Don't get me wrong here, there is a lot of good ideas here. But is seems to me that this is about making yourself into the kind of person some government authority wants you to be. Follow all these instructions and then you will be the perfect, unpaid, unthanked and often unacknowledged caregiver.

There was never any attempt to help us resolve any of our own issues. After all when our survivor stroked and our lives were changed forever we were mostly like the paid workers there, working eight hours a day, taking home our pay, spending what we had to, paying the bills and hopefully having some money left for ourselves. We drove our own cars, did our own chores and supported or were supported by partners who did the other 50%. We had real lives, separate identities, some time to ourselves, our own hobbies and interests. The loss of all that was almost as devastating for us as the stroke was to the person we are caring for. We might look, walk and talk the same but we are not. All that freedom to be ourselves as a seperate identity went when the stroke changed our lives forever or that is the way it was for me.

Neither the course nor the hand-outs including these coping strategies seem to address that issue at all.