kristen,

i feel your pain. i don't know if you rememeber me, i used to be klbrasher and we talked some. what you are going through is DEVASTATING, and you have every right to feel the way you do sweetie.

it is normal i think to wonder "what if". i do almost all the time and i am 2 and a half years post stroke.

love ya

kim

Yes, mourning the past is normal, thinking what mght have been is normal. And the ignoracne of the general public to strokes is normal too.

Only advice I can give is hold on to the good things in life as hard as you can, the music of your life may be playing the darker notes at the moment but soonn the lighter notes will come tripping through again.

You and Patrick have now what people only "hope" to have when they are old, some time to spend in each others company. Enjoy it while you have it and worry about the future when you're further down the track. You got a whole lot of living to do first.

Sue.

KRISTEN,

I NEVER ENVY ANYBODY BECAUSE I ALWAYS FIGURE SOMEWHERE IN THEIR LIVES THEY HAVE PROBLEMS BIGGER THAN MINE. I ACCEPT MY FATE, MY WIFE HAS ACCEPTED MY FATE AND WE GO ON WITH OUR AS BEST WE CAN. MOST PEOPLE THINK I HAD KNEE SURGERY, AND THAT'S WHY I LIMP. I USUALLY HAVE A "TONGUE -IN-CHEEK" REPLY FOR ANYBODY WHO MAKES A STUPID REMARK.

MARTY

Kristen Honey,

The general public is so stupid about strokes that there are days I want to buy a teeshirt - It would read:

Want me to get one for Patrick too?

Love you - keep your head up

~V

Kristen:

you wrote your feeling so nicely, I had to wonder is that me describing my feelings, but when I go through that phase, I just think if my daughter who had if survived after born being premie and going through same fate as me, would I have not been able to handle that , so I always think whatever I got, yep its bad, but God has given me courage to handle the situation at the best of my capability, and also everyone goes through problems in their life, and mine is this one, also this is my down ride but it can't stay thisway forever it has to come up, those are my survivor techniques. one more thing start enjoying life with patrick now can't do I will be happy when my hand works time to be happy is now, we don't have guarantee of future, jujuar this moment is guranteed, so do whatever you want to do now

Asha

Kristen,

My reflection on this situation is that people do not want to identify with the stroke survivor. If they can find some reason that they believe the survivor had a stroke and that reason does not apply to their life they figure they are safe. I do know if you had asked me if there was a chance I would have a stroke at 46 I would have said no. I figured I was safe because I had no health problems. Little did I know I wasn't safe. The truth is that no one is safe from a health problem. Try as they might to disassociate themselves from trouble it can happen.

The truth of the matter is we will all die some day. :bop:

Kristen

the feelings that you have are totally normal and are just feelings. in my more evil moments, i wi have wished a stroke/TBI on John's parents and hsi brother as payback for their abandonment of John and their rampant sociopathy (he was raised by wolves.) even my dad, a stroke survivor, tells me, a stroke survivor, "how come you recovered and i didn't?"

don't think that being aware of these thought makes you a not nice person. it's when we have these thoughts and stuff them into our unconscious and deny them that they turn around and bite us in the a**.

sandy

Thanks all,

As I was saying to Sue the other night, I feel I am getting comfortable with my role in our new lives. I don't live in the past wishing for what was or regretting what is. I simply miss our more carefree life sometimes.

Patrick and I have always enjoyed spending time together, and that has not changed. Some of the best times we have together is when we are on a "road trip" (usually to pick up/drop off my step-son). We listen to the radio, remenice over how old we were when the song came out, and laugh over those songs long forgotten. Being able to laugh together doesn't seem to have changed either.

It is difficult NOT to wonder what the future holds, how much time we REALLY have left together. Of course I don't want to imagine myself old and alone (if I am lucky to live that long)- Patrick having left before his time. But the truth is, there was no GOOD (you know what I mean) reason for the first stroke, whose to say he won't someday have another? I know- it's all a crap shoot in the big scheme of things. And if I choose to pretend that he has had his only brush with bad luck, then wouldn't I be blowing the second chance he was given at living?

I know Jean once stated that being a caregiver can be like watching your loved one die slowly (I am poorly paraphrasing here), but couldn't it be that you are really watching them die quickly? 20 more years together would be too soon for me. 40 more is pushing it. But given the circumstances before us, is that realistic now?

What is-is. I know that. And anger over what cannot be changed is useless. I am finallyat a point in my life where I am generally happy (can't you tell-lol) and grateful for all that I have. I do not take for granted that I will always have Patrick by my side and so try to cherish every moment we have been given.

All of these feelings contribute to why I hate hearing "But you're too young to have a stroke!"

Thanks for all your support- you have all helped me in your own way unique to YOU.

Kristen

Hey Aspen,

You know back when I first stroked I was 37. I strongly felt the loss of my youth. I felt as if being a survivor hurdled me into doddering old feeble age way too soon. I hated that at 37 I had to learn to act like I was older.

But how I found it a easier pill to swallow was to look at my early forced retirement as a blessing that I was young enough to take advantage of and really enjoy. As you and Patrick can by being together now. I know what you were missing, I didn't miss the point. But don't overlook a good opportunity here either. Take advantage of it and bleed out and exploit every ounce from it you can.

Pam

Yes the general public is not aware of strokes happening at any age, even I get you were too young for a stroke (I was 53) but life and love do not come with guarantees,, I was a widow at 30.. A yr and a half ago John was diagnosed with malignant melanoma (lightly invasive) he had surgery and rhey feel they got it all.. but between me having a stroke and him having melanoma.. ????? I try not to dwell on these facts.. and enjoy whatever it is we have.. I am hoping lots of time..

Hugs Bonnie