I have a difficult time going to sleep at night (and a harder time waking up in the morning). So, I have decided to try meditation as a way to calm my mind.

I relax, listen to my breath and picture all of the craziness in my mind being gathered up with the incoming breath and directed out with the outgoing breath. To accomplish this, I needed to picture my mind. My picture resulted in a very quaint and bright attic. It has lovely hardwood floors and hardwood paneling on the wall with windows (like dormers). I see everything swirling around as I breathe in and rush out as I exhale leaving me with a beautifully clean room. As I looked around, I noticed a black rock in the middle of the floor. It was coal. I started to chisel at it and it continued to get bigger (picture an iceberg wherein only the tip is above water but the majority of it is below). I chisel until I fall asleep and the next night - I see what I chiseled and now it is big enough to sit on.

I tried to relay this to a friend who is a meditation guru and she said to leave it alone that it may turn into something valuable.

Like a kid with a scab, I continued to chisel it away. It got huge - the flooring just gives way without a mess (although if there was a mess, I would just breathe it away!). Then there came something that I couldn't chisel away - it was small, hard, and whitish. I believe that I am beginning to uncover a diamond!

My psychological interpretation, now that I think about it, is that the coal is my 'self' after the stroke. It is big, black and ugly. Not the real me and I can't figure out how to get back to me so I just try to chisel the stroke stuff away. The diamond, I believe, represents the new, post-stroke me. I need to realize that I will never be the way I was before, ever (wow, that is really harsh) and I haven't accepted that yet. I do think that I am beginning to accept it and uncover how the new me doesn't necessarily mean a "less me" it just means different.

Dude, that is way deep.