I am not a great one for watching daytime television but today for some reason turned on "Dr Phil". Now I don't like that "here's your problem, here's you answer" type program. I know , like most of you do that a problem that has taken a long time to come to our notice will also take a long time to fix. And a lot of hard work too as the weight loss gurus will tell you. But you also can't fix a problem until you have had a good look at it or as Dr Phil said "asked a zillion questions about it." The problems he discussed had no bearing on my own problems but I think there is a nugget of truth in a lot of platitudes and you get gold wherever you can find it.

Today Dr Phil said one thing that has remained in my mind all afternoon. He said; " you've got to know who you are and like who you are, however much that person might have changed." I guess we have all looked in the mirror and seen who we are today, needing a haircut, maybe a bit overweight, slouched posture, out of shape and not liked who we have become. But we can at least feel sorry for that poor soul and offer to help in any way we can, just like we would for a stranger. And in that mode also offer to put some time and effort into the project too.

So if you woke up in a "poor me" mood this morning be your own "Dr Phil". Ask yourself a zillion questions, who are you, why are you here, who do you want to be, how much effort are you prepared to put into that? Those are the kind of questions that might help to show you the real problem. Not that you stroked or are a caregiver to someone who did but how you can get to be comfortable with being who you are now. And then work out some easy steps to doing some running repairs on your life so that not only are you happy with who you are, but happy enough with how you handle that to give yourself a pat on the back and say: "Well done. I like your style."

Wow, how true that is for me. I need to change some of my attitudes too. I have grown a bit complacent about my role as a caregiver, a little grumbley, a little half-hearted. I need to get my act together too. And also the way I see Ray. Ray can sometimes become a "nuisance" in my sight. He does something and I think:"There he goes again, is he doing that just to annoy me?" And I go into my St Susan the Martyr mode.

I have to know who Ray is, and like him for what he is if our relationship is to have any real happiness. I know his condition is changing and I have to prepare myself for that. It is not his fault. He didn't order this part of his life from a catalogue. It is as much an inconvenience to him as it is to me. It is part of my job as a caregiver to "care" for Ray in all the ways anyone can think of.

So Kristen, you have stirred up a hornet's nest. Liking who I am - the project for the next part of my life.

And Jean, tonight the grey hairs are RED.