I believe that some times in life you have to consciously make adjustments. It is like driving down a dead end street and realising that although your destination is visible to where you are there will have to be some backtracking before you get to where you want to go.

To some extent that is where I am now. I have decided that if I have to back track then I might as well take in some new scenery on the way rather than track back over old routes. So I am going to do a course out of a book called "Change One" which is a lifestyle change where you do one change a week for twelve weeks. It is not designed as a diet more as a healthy lifestyle adjustment. So I will take in different ideas week by week. A friend of mine did it last year and was pleased with the results. It is not as radical as what Jean has been doing but I am hoping it will be instructive.

I keep using the "I" word and that is going to be adjusted too. There are a lot of problems in our household at the moment, leaving me with a feeling that I am sitting on the see saw and holding up most of the weight. I think this is just the way it looks from my perspective. My grown-up kids think that I should , as wife, mother and caregiver, do most of the work here anyway. They see this as my full-time job. They also tell me they have "a life to live", I wonder if I had one of those at the same age?

Yesterday the family gathered for a BBQ, I didn't BBQ but I got out all the food, prepared most of it, washed up after most of it. I had some help but needed more. It is as if there is an imbalance somewhere. Now I was getting angry with that but this morning heard a radio program where relationships were described as always being 40/60 and that has to be okay if the relationship is going to survive. Fair enough, if yesterday's BBQ ws 60/40 and I still enjoyed it, that has to be acceptable. Life is never going to be perfect, is it? And as a friend pointed out at least my children want to come and see us, eat with us, have their children have a relationship with us (hers don't) and I should be grateful for that. And I am.

Today another friend told me of her sister-in-law and the struggle she is having with a husband who has had a stroke similar to Ray's but who is angry, abusive, ungrateful and generally giving her a hard time. Ray isn't like that. I should be grateful for that. And I am.

It was my Mum's 88th birthday yesterday. I went down to see her at the Lodge with a birthday cake and some new sweats as she is running down her wardrobe now. It was a quiet morning and the staff were happy to cut up the cake and distribute it among the folk. There were actually two cakes as another lady celebrates her birthday on the same date. So we sang "Happy Birthday" and a staff member helped Mum and Helen blow out their candles. Both the birthday girls were really oblivious to what was happening. But both were clean, well looked after and cared about. I have to be grateful for that. And I am. And as a bonus my daughter also came and spent some time with "Gran" so I was not alone on the visit as I usually am.

So sometimes to me life is like an amusement park. There are swings and round-a-bouts, merry-go-rounds and funfairs. You get to be at all the booths for a short or long time. Each has some prizes and some penalties. It is my choice how I see each period of time. Ray and I have had some really good times, taking the kids away on family holidays, camping expeditions and just the two of us on oversea trips. We are still together after 38 years. We have three children, four grandchildren and a lot of life's blessings. And yet I still want life to be perfect? That is silly of me isn't it?

Better to be content and not suffer from the bruises that come from bumping up and down on my end of the see saw.