Well, that was a bit of an anticlimax. I told Pam I would host Caregiver chats 8pm New York time Tuesday nights. She said we would keep it low key, no big announcements etc. I guess that probably wasn't the best approach. How will people know I am there if they aren't aware that caregiver chats are starting?

Anyhow I set my computer up and sat in chat, notebook at the ready, welcome sign on - and read my diary. I found an old one from 1994, the months leading up to going to college. Like most of my attempts at keeping a diary it was only a dozen or so entries for six months. I was doing my Clinical Pastoral Care at the time, a 400 hour course, 100 of which was face-to-face the other 300 hours practicuum in the hospital. It was a busy six months as I was also working three days a week and studying two other subjects. I was younger and more energetic back then. Ray was at work and we had no-one living here.

At the end, November 1994, I was surprised to read that my daughter and son-in-law moved to his mother's place while they were building their house, our son had a car written off due to an accident and our car was run into that month too. Looking back over the years I know they were filled with many happy and sad events but putting a time and date on them has never been one of my great talents. I just live life one day at a time with a forward motion and that is it. Someone else will have to piece together my life after I die and say:" IN 1994 Sue did a CPE course in G--- hospital. At that time she was also involved in---"

HostStephen came in about 8.50pm and we chatted till 9.30pm NY time. I guess during that time there were a lot of people came to the board and didn't know that they were welcome in chat, caregivers and survivors alike, to participate in a dialogue, or conversation and release, just for a moment, their minds from lonely thoughts.

When I was doing the ward chaplaincy as it was called for the six months or so in 1994/1995 a lot of people said that to me: "I was lonely and bored and then you came along". I guess that is the #1 reason a lot of us are on this site. We were lonely and bored and maybe a little lost, with some problems and nowhere to turn and them we found this site and lo and behold! here were other people with similar problems and some experiences they were willing to share. And some of our loneliness left us and we can come here, read the posts, read the blogs, do some posting of our own, keep an online diary. There is still not a lot of light at the end of our particular tunnel but there is some little candles providing their wavering light. We are not alone. There are others here in Strokeland.

This particular diary finished on February 15th 1995, the day I started my first day at college, I did a year full-time, mastered five subjects and finished my Diploma in Theology, all in a nine month period. I only slept four hours a night to give me plenty of reading time. What a life!

My final entry was about the books I had just put in my temporary library shelves. there were 40 of them and this was just the first semester! I was wondering how I would cope with all that reading!

What a funny thing to do, looking back 11 years to the "me" I was then. Maybe in eleven more years I will look fondly back on this time of my life too.

In the meanwhile, don't forget, caregiver chat will be on again, 11th July 8pm - 9.30pm New York time. I'll keep a chair for you shall I?