:cheer: HI - My name is June, and you have every right to be angry, but I am a 20 yr. survivor, can understand your frustration, and when I was told certain things were not reachable for me, I tried to turn it around by using my frustration in a positive way, like working on things you got a below average - There are alot of therapies you can do to get better & you may not realize it now cause your hurt and hot, but running a household is not a job for sissies! So, I would work on your weak deficits, pray for xtra strength, and I know its trite, but "Pain is temporary, quitting is forever". A QUOTE by Lance Armstrong

GOOD LUCK, GOD BLESS

June :big_grin:

Congratulations! You have just become a Domestic Engineer. This is what some people call their housekeeper/homemaker role/job here.

A Domestic Engineer is worth his/her weight in gold. Now think of all the new skills you will have time to learn. And you will be able to start right at the bottom, without any expectation or pressure and surprise everyone with what you can do.

Never underestimate the power of a brain cell to regenerate when you least expect it either. You have many good years ahead of you yet.

Sue.

AJ,

It's going to take time for you to mourn the life you left behind. The testing just kind of drove that point home and it's a bitter pill to swallow. However, that doesn't mean you can't get a lot of those skills back in time with a lot of work. In the meantime, there are worse things to be than Mr. Mom. For me, it works to set a time limit on how long I'm going to allow myself to stay on the pitty pot and in the angry stage of accepting disappointment. In time you will find a new direction to grow your spirit and new things to base your self-worth on than the career you left behind. Our value as human beings, after all, isn't based on what we do in the work place but rather on what's in our hearts and souls.

Jean

AJ

after extensive neuropsychological testing, my husband got basically the same result that you did after breaking the windshield with the right side of his head when we had a car crash in 9/04. he was told that the only thing that would make a difference is to go back on short-term disability (he was working, just barely) and enter a six-month full day five day a week cognitive rehab program. three and a half months later, he did just that, and four months into the program, he has had such positive results that he will be ready for outpatient cognitive rehab when he graduates the program and goes back to work, which was not recommended due to the extent and length of time (greater than one year) of his deficits when he had his informing session. he is also coming to terms with a full-blown dissociative disorder which manifested itself after his brain injury secondary to memories that were fully compensated and suppressed of his totally sucky childhood and parents from hell (common in people with brain injuries and sucky childhoods.) mourning the loss of an imagined false self is also part of his recovery.he is really on the road to recovery and very positive about this on most days.

when he first got the results of the first and then the second neuropsych evaluation, he felt extremely sorry for himself and felt utterly victimized by more people than i would care to type in to this blog. fortunately, as a stroke survivor myself, i never let him fall into the endless hole of self-pity, and frequently had to repeatedly kick him in the butt to get him out of it.

maybe you should allow yourself five or ten minutes a day of sitting on the pity pot and then move on to something constructive.

sandy

AJ,

I know exactly how deep the sense of loss you are experiencing is. I felt it too in the not to distant past. But I dismissed the idea of labels, I wasn't going to buy into the labels propaganda, I was determined to remake myself into what I wanted,not limit myself with labels. That is the very oversimplified fact of acceptance in the stroke journey. You can become what you want to be or you can get stuck and mired in the muck of self pity and anger and let the stroke rob you of even more then it took already. I thought that was too high a price to pay and I wasn't going to hand over anymore of myself then I had already. It became a case of making do with what I had left. So what you can't be what you once were? Retirement isn't bad at all, I love it now as much as I once passionately hated being retired at 39. Life goes on, it is a different life, lived at a different pace, but no less satisfying then my former life. In fact many ways better then before.

Forget the labels and evaluations and bushwhack youir own path that you can live with. All the best,

Pam

Wow thanks for all the great thoughts. I felt better after just typing this stuff out. My wife reminded me that I used to get frustrated because I felt like the job I used to have never really did anybody any good. Oh yeah it made huge businesses run more efficiently and make more money but it never really gave anybody anything that really counts. 99% of all software projects fail and most of what I have done over the years never even got used. After reminding me how I used to wish I had a chance to find a way to really make a difference in peoples lives she pointed out that this could be my chance. She could be right. I feel more optimistic that is for sure.

AJ,

Your wife sounds like a very wise woman.

Pam

Oh I know you are so hurt, and I am sorry, but you do have the law on your side -

First, call the ADA & have them refer you to an organization where disabled people are r-trained so they can go back to work -

If you look in yellow pages, they list names of organizations that specialize in this. Try calling your local easter seals organization, they may be able to help you, if not check with social security -

It will be tough and alot of work for you, but just know you can't start at the top only because you have had an interruption in your life

GOOD LUCK, GOD BLESS

June :beer: