It was our wedding anniversary today, 39 years and I was not mindful of it until half way through dinner tonight, a bit late then to celebrate. Not that there is much to celebrate at the present time. We were out at a restaurant with friends from one of our old service clubs. I could have announced that it was our anniversary I suppose but the talk was general and I don't like to draw attention our way. It was a nice dinner but all the talk was by the returned travellers about where they had been, both within Australia and overseas. A lot of them had been travelling extensively as some of them are quite well off and with the freedom of being newly retired. I try to tune out a bit rather than being envious of their doing what I so wanted and had planned to do on our retirement.

Ray had a big day today as he went off with some of the Scallywags on an excursion. He left here 40 minutes late, as his driver, a survivor himself with minimal right side deficits, got lost. He actually turned left instead of right at a vital cross roads and finished up one suburb too far over, not hard to do. As a result they actually missed the ferry the rest of the party caught, leaving four of them to wait for the next one. Some time during that period Ray had a fall, he seems not to remember much about it.

When they came home the driver told me Ray had had a fall but was okay as they just picked him up. After his shower tonight I noticed Ray had some blood on the side of his head, quite a large scar diagonally across from his left ear towards his forehead when I looked. So I bathed that and patched him up. Also some scarring on his elbow and a scratch down his right shin so looks like a fall and rollover. That is why he is 24/7 care. He so wanted to go out with the "blokes" and I was willing for him to do so , hoping it would increase his independence and his confidence. Don't know how I will feel abut it next time he wants to go.

After Ray went this morning I went to see Mum who has had another "fall". This one involved a BIG black eye, not a shiner but a bruised and battered face. It looked more like an attack than a fall although the report was that she had fallen and been discovered lying in the corridor by one of the other residents. This is the second fall this week. I know she is old, has Alzheimers and has no speech or memory now but I don't like her to have brain damage from falls as well.

Ray's incontinence is an increasing problem. The padded undergarments do not seem to solve it completely. I guess we might have to use them plus other pads. I will be happier when we get this problem sorted as I am doing a lot of cleaning up at times. It is probably his dementia not helping as he tends to go three times in quick succession now and then not for hours. Tonight he had a problem after sitting down for a long time. He went as soon as he got up from the table. The dinner was just about over so I hurried him out before the others noticed ( I hope) and got him back to the car.

He also has got unco-operative again. I put out clothes, he put the dirty ones back on again. I guess this is a "boy thing" as he looked like our older son at aged eight sitting there sulking when I made him change. No-one wants to sit at a table on a night out next to someone who smells. I don't for one. So he has to change, and his co-operation does make that easier. I hope this is a transient phase and not a sign of things to come.

I can wax as philosophical as the next person on the side of caregiving that is nurturing and caring. But sometimes life at the coalface is dirty and smelly and I want to down tools and go on strike.