I have just finished my first month of Caregivers Chat and I thought, particularly today, what a brave bunch we all are. Imagine anyone bringing a stranger home and doing all the things we do for our spouse, parents or children. Today there were people who did all that you could ever expect a caregiver to do, and more, and in some cases this wasn't the first person they had provided care for. No way would most of us do for a good wage what we do for our loved ones for free. Because we love them we care for their needs. And sometimes in so doing we sacrifice most of what others would think of as "our time to shine".

I guess we could ask what makes a caregiver? And debate it on a posting a mile long. I am going to give some of my experiences of caregivers I have met during my life.

The first caregiver I can remember knowing personally lived next door when I was in my teens. She was a lady who had had a "gentle upbringing" in India, although she was an Englishwoman by birth. When her husband had a slight stroke, he took to his bed and wouldn't budge. The doctor came and told him if he didn't get out of bed he would die there. And he did. She took over the running of the house, sold the car, tended to his needs ( I was a teenager so not privy to all of those). I remember she used to prepare trays with a little posy on them, cook special cakes he liked, walk to the local shops and haul everything home as he didn't want her to leave him for more than an hour. She had a lovely big garden, vegetables in the back, flowers in the front which seemed to be her hobby. She had two children who rarely visited her. I think he died after about 18 months of the stroke, wouldn't have lasted that long without her nursing him. He was probably late 50's. She went on living alone for many years after his death.

The same years I also went to do errands for a lady who looked after her brother. He had had a stroke too. Her family made her give up her job in Sydney in a law office to come home and do her duty, first nursing her own mother and then her brother. I asked her once what she did. She said:"I read a lot and you should too." and gave me permission to come and borrow her books which I did for a while, I think she liked the company.

Then we moved and I visited a woman who had a bed ridden husband, I think that was some sort of family medical problem, as we used to say back then, maybe heart problems. She had him on a side verandah where he had a nice view of the valley. Again my Mum had supplied me to do messages. I don't remember ever being paid for doing messages. I think virtue had to be it's own reward. When I went past the shop on my way home from the school bus I had to pick up his newspaper, if I was late he would shout out:"Is that d--n girl here yet?"

I looked after a neighbour's husband while she was in hospital, minded other people's children while they were in hospital, kept in touch with family members for others who didn't have a phone in the house. I have been a caregiver of some kind all my life, as was my mother before me, and probably female family members stretching back over many generations. For in my case it was the training that made me a caregiver. It was years of "doing my duty, being a good neighbour, helping out where you can"- all favourite sayings of my Mum and Dad.

And I think a lot of caregivers, if they reflected on their childhoods could say the same. But not all, as circumstances alter cases, and some just stepped into the breach because there was no-one else to do it. And struggle day by day to be a good caregiver, learning as they go along, particularly here on the boards or similar sites that deal with whatever the person they are caring for is suffering from. There are millions of us spread across the world. All caring for someone to the best of our ability.

I do salute all caregivers, wherever they may be, whatever their motivation and despite all their feelings of inadequacy. We all have days when we want to scream, run away for the day, hog-tie our care recipients, scream at our relatives to come and help or take off for far-away places. But we are still here. And a shining example on days when we cope, with a smile, and provide that glimpse of what a saint is really like.