We've had a fairly busy weekend, well, we have a fairly busy life. That means I use up every day doing whatever comes to hand. And running a household and looking after Ray and looking out for family and friends does constitute a busy life.

On Saturday morning I did some gardening and some other tidying up processes. I wanted Ray to have plenty of sleep so he would cope with going out for the evening. As he is not a night person having a good long afternoon nap helps set him up for an evening out. He did and we managed to get away on time with him dressed in his best and looking good, and me draped artistically in a shawl over a nice blouse and a black skirt. Not too bad going really. And we did meet up with some friends and people did come over and talk to Ray, and I was able to circulate a bit and that was good too. Saw some of the friends I left behind when I had to stop my voluntary ministry with that church to come back and look after Ray full-time at the end of 1999. Not everyone understood why I had to do that and I hope that seeing him last night, seven years later, still with us and eating and enjoying himself did put some of that to rest.

This morning after we came home from church Trev missed a call and dialed up the number that we use for free messages and I had missed five calls. I was busy and I forgot to check. One was from the Dementia Lodge where Mum is saying she had had another fall and did I want to come over and look her over and it was from yesterday morning!

I felt like a thoughtless, neglective daughter, it doesn't take much before I feel guilty. So I asked Trev to keep an eye on his father for me and went straight over. And she is fine. She is bruised and battered down one side of her face, obviously feeling not her usual self as she wimpered when she put her hand to her face. And she has a cough now. Falls can sometimes bring on pneumonia when they occur in the middle of a winter's night so I asked for the nurse to check her again in the morning, to see she doesn't have a temperature too. I realise at her age, with her conditions it is impossible to prevent falls. And although staff check regularly through the night they can't stand at the foot of the bed. So I stayed an hour or so and just reassured myself that everything was okay. Phew, that was close.

Another call was from one of Ray's cousins. Usually she calls to pass on bad news from her part of the family. Not that she is not a lovely person but passing on news seems to be one of her functions within her family. I got back to her and it wasn't bad news, just a catch up call. I felt as if I had been reprieved a second time. The other calls just need some attention through the week. So nothing to worry about. Thank good ness for that.

It is scary how little things can claim your time and dominate your life. At the moment our focus is on medical issues. The appointments and frustrations of trying to get the right treatment and the right set-up for Ray's incontinence so we can cope with the future. I read sometimes that success is 90% planning, 10% doing. I agree with that, in this stroke surviving world planning is really important. Maybe so important that it makes the difference between the care giver staying or going, between the survivor staying at home or having to go and live in a care facility. Thinking about the problem, researching the problem, fixing the problem seems to be the right order. And a long drawn out process.

And when I concentrate all my attention on one area of our lives other things slip out of sight. And oversights occur. Like forgetting to check for messages. And maybe not only missing calls coming in but missing making those outgoing calls that mean we keep up with old friends and keep our friendships going.

I am going to have to try to widen my vision and not let Ray's continuing ill health narrow the focus of both our lives.