After taking my meds regularly once again (mostly thanks to Bob's huge reminder note on the door), I feel able, willing, almost okay (no, not content & certainly not happy) enough to deal with life once again. Better living through chemistry, huh?

I'm hoping these antidepressants regulate the necessary neurotransmitters so that I can get off them ASAP. I don't like to take pills in the first place (although I always made an exception for birth control!) but I need to feel good about life. I'm sure it doesn't help to have a rollercoaster effect of on meds - off meds. My advisor claims that antidepressants should be in the city water I'm sure he is just saying that to be nice.

Good news - the plans are in gear for me to graduate this semester!

Explanation for those who care/want to know:

For a Ph.D., I need to take all of the necessary coursework (finished that 2 1/2 years ago), take the doctoral candidacy exam (passed that 2 years - to the day - prior to my stroke, weird!), and complete the dissertation. To break that last part down, I needed to come up with an idea that significantly contributes to the field of Human Factors science, write the background literature, theory, and method of the experiment. Then I present this idea to a committee in a grueling 1-2 hour meeting in which I was questioned, grilled, and tested. The committee members then meet without me to decide if I passed the 'proposal defense' to begin the actual study. I did that in Oct 2005. Then I stroked in Nov 2005. I returned to work in a limited capacity and, thankfully, had research assistants to collect the data (91 participants). Now, I need to code the data, analyze the results with inferential statistics, interpret the statistics and write the theoretical and applied implications of the study in particular and how it impacts the field in general. Then, once my advisor deems it fit to defend as my final study, I again present it to the committee. They will meet to determine if I am a good choice as a Doctor of Philosophy.

It is so easy to procrastinate because the whole thing is larger than life and hangs over my head threateningly. So I try to ignore it until I am overcome with guilt and anxiety. I work on it then get frustrated and try to ignore it once again - vicious cycle, I tell ya!

Well, the pressure is on now. I have invited family and friends to the December graduation and I have privided my intent to graduate to the department. I have to get it done this semester. THIS SEMESTER!!! :silly: