The title says it all...two down, two to go...I've made it through two weeks!!! :Clap-Hands: They were tough...lots of self exploration but I've made it. I've got more clarity regarding what she is going through and I've got more clarity about my own demons. Rereading the list I created yesterday does help...grounds me in those tough moments. It feels good to be in touch with what I KNOW...not the imaginary...it keeps me stable.

Will there ever come a time when I don't have her in my mind 24/7?? I suspect if I were a caregiver it would be that way. But pre-stroke, I didn't have her on my mind 24/7...I got my work done secure in the knowledge she'd be there at the end of the day and would always be there at the other end of the phone. I think because of all the uncertainty she preoccupies my mind...I'm always wondering...always worried...always curious...what is she feeling...what is she doing...is she OK??!!! But thankfully I am at peace enough internally that I AM able to get my work done, but my mind wanders a lot. I think it'll just be that way until I talk to her again and get a better sense of things. As long as I am getting my work done then that's all that matters right now.

Here's an example of how she is in my head/heart all the time. I took the kids to a museum today...it was fun but I kept thinking that Jane would've enjoyed doing that with the kids. She really has embraced being a step mom to the kids and has taken so much pride in the adjustment she's made to having kids in her life. She would've crawled all over the place with them and played with them. That's what made me fall in love with her in the first place...she embraced my kids with open arms...!!!

Anyway...overall its good...I just want her to get well...6 weeks post stroke...we have a LONG way to go!