I just read Heather's entry about not getting anxious for one day. I remember I felt that in the first twelve months after Ray's strokes. I felt as if I lost control every time even the most minor event happened, an appointment changed, a delay of some kind. Visits from therapists could send a ripple through the day. Their advice seemed to dominate our life, changing it forever. It is not like that now.

I had a reply from Sherri that said she has accepted the new norm ( or words to that effect) and she is only twelve months out from the stroke. I think Ray was like that too. Once he knew he wasn't going back to work, he wasn't going to drive and he wasn't going to get much better he just settled down with his Reader's Digest books on the front verandah and that was it. That wasn't a giving up so much as a giving in, and sometimes I see acceptance as just that, a giving in to the situation. I know I will get some argument from others on that one but that is how I see it.

My Mum used to do what Dad called "niggling away at it" with a problem. It was as though she was viewing it from as many angles as she could. Maybe this was a contributor to the series of ulcers she had too. She could never let anything rest. She had to know what it was about right to the minutae of detail. So I try to limit my worry time. Which means that if I lay awake too long I get out of bed and do something else to move my mind onto another track.

This is a long weekend, the Labor Day weekend and last night was noisy with some neighbourhood parties. It was also League (football) Grand Final night so there were male bonding get-togethers too. Trev was busy with his mates so Ray and I watched the match together. I thought it was pretty good, the teams were evenly matched , the game was fast, there were no major infringements of the rules. The better team on the night won the game. Pity the other guys don't get a rematch next week but that it life. When Trev came home he pointed out that the right team hadn't won, the referees had made many mistakes and so there ought to be enquiries etc. I didn't even notice, too busy watching the game.

So maybe I do have acceptance. The kind that doesn't look for trouble, that accepts life day-by-day. That sort of acceptance let's you go on with life without stopping too long on one spot and agonizing, or over-analysing, like Mum did with her ulcer inducing niggling away at a problem. There must be a lot of different ways of accepting the post-stroke life. And mine is to just work on it one day at a time.

But doesn't that seem like marking time? Well, yes it does have some disadvantages. It does put forward planning on hold, it does deny that there will be great improvement and it does make life seem dull sometimes. For me the future ahead, brighter and happier as I saw it, did give me a lot of hope. The Bible says wisely: "Don't live as people without hope." But that is a harder one when life is without a bright future.

My hope is now woven into the routine of our days. It is the little things that brighten the day now, a phone call from a friend, a bargain at the shops, even a cup of coffee out in the sun. I can see now the point in all those old movies where the two old people sat and watched life go by. It was a form of finding contentment in the day-to-day progress of life. That is probably that is where I am today.