So, the plan was for me to defend my dissertation on Friday, October 13, 2006 - my 11 month stroke-aversary and Friday the 13th!!

Scheduling conflicts at the last minute have now changed that - darn it! I am trying to set up the day but getting people to respond and let me know what works is taking FOREVER! I am anxious/excited/nervous but I think I am ready.

I am excited about this feeling too. I feel as though this has snapped me out of my fog. A coworker said that I seem more alert now and my advisor said that I seem 'crisp' now. That makes me feel great. Better than great - incredible. Now I just need to get it set up and rolling - waiting is the hardest part, right?

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On a separate note, I was watching something on TV and, although I don't remember what it was, something that was said really struck a chord in me. There was some type of support group and one of the people said "when I was first diagnosed, so many people came to my side, called, talked, and supported me and I felt so loved. Now that time has passed, they have pulled away and it feels like they have taken that love with them."

A light went on over my head. I think that is why I have been so punky and down lately. It is an odd thing really. I didn't want anyone to treat me differently when I had the stroke, but they did. It was an amazing feeling to have people express their care. Now that so much time has passed, I am treated as 'normal' and I miss that feeling of being loved and valued.

Maybe I am just an attention lover :blush: