So this will be my last grownup fun thing to do between now and the end of semester I think. I have happily used my babysitter the last couple of weeks. It has been enormously helpful, enabled me to get out and recapture my social life. Last week a concert, the week before, dinner with friends. This week a concert last night and a formal fundraiser dinner dance tonight (I'm volunteering to support the event). I've enjoyed just stretching my wings a bit.

I had a dream about Jane this week...not a romantic dream but one that really helped me see her for the person she is now...someone with emotional problems who is just not the person I fell in love with. I'm honestly not blaming it on the stroke. I truly believe that the crap was there but only sitting under the surface. The stroke only opened the door to let it out... I wish I had been smart enough to see that. But I wanted to believe what she was telling me...that we were strong...that we could weather anything. I wanted to trust...I DID trust. But I also know if you don't trust, if you don't believe, you will NEVER EVER experience the joys that true love can bring. So I'm not afraid to make myself vulnerable one day again. Everyone that has heard the story has said it is COMPLETELY and TOTALLY HER CRAP and HER LOSS...friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers...

I will always love her, but I'm more than ready to move on...the pain is less and all that remains are loving memories of what WAS, and some sadness about the way she handled it all, especially how those surrounding her handled it...I can NEVER EVER forgive them...NEVER. Her, I can forgive because I actually feel sorry for her...and I'm never one to feel sorry for someone because in some ways I feel that can be condescending (hard to explain what I mean right now). But yeah, I feel sorry for her... So maybe forgiveness is settling in now...it feels that way...