Amazing what happens when we slow down and take care of ourselves...our mind opens up to many new possibilities. Meditation does that for me...forced time to just reflect on myself and let the musing in my mind come to the surface!

Great ideas, Sue...I hope it works for you! You have my support if you want to brainstorm!!

Hi Sue - I think Mel posted this expression - that I quickly copied when I ran across it and now and have on my computer:

Your life will always be, to a large extent, what you make it.

Your life is yours, you own it and what you make it, is purely up to you.

Others may support you in your aspirations, but, in the end, it's your creation. You are your one and only boss, and with that awareness comes a special responsibility.

Once you accept this responsibility and stop waiting around for others to make you happy, you will become unstoppable. Your life will change, all because of you.

So, turn on the green light and GO!

copyright -Meditations for women. All rights reserved.

Karen I believe what you have posted up to the event of marriage. That is because I do believe that "the two shall become one flesh" as it said in my marriage ceremony. So Ray and I are one, so what happens to him, happens to me, or to a part of me. Therefor what I do also becomes of importance from the aspect of how it affects him. Our lives will be what WE make them together.

So I do not believe that "you are your one and only boss" applies here. I don't wait for others to make me happy, nor do I expect to have to make others happy, but I do expect that I will uphold my side of the marriage vows even if Ray is unable to uphold his. To me our partnership is maybe 80/20 now but that doesn't matter as long as together we make up the 100%.

Now how do I turn what I believe into what I do every day? Hey! this is so easy to say, so hard to do.

Sue.

Sue,

Great blog! I've heard a saying - my head is a terrible place for me to be alone....I can overthink, overrationalize, overdefend every aspect of my life.

I think we are of the same generation, influenced greatly by our parents when it comes to the marriage thing. I was told long ago that as long as each partner feels as though they are giving 80% in the marriage, in reality it is probably about 50% and we are about on target. Now, that is in a marriage with two healthy partners I think. In our situation, as caregivers we are naturally probably contributing about 80% to the maintenaince of our situation - a choice we've made.

When I really stop to think about it, unless and until I'm willing to take full responsibility for the way I am I'll always blame the way I am on something or someone else - unfairly. I think that's what the part about being my own boss means. I have to first be responsible to me before I can be responsible to another. Again, it's a choice I make.

I agree with you about the marriage being a covenant that transcends health issues. I don't think that God intends for us to lose ourselves in all of this though - and that's what it's easy for us to do. As with you, the words are the easy part. All of my "will do's" fade quickly in the face of the many caregiving responsiblities when Bill comes home. As long as I know it's a choice I make for myself, and not a situation "caused by" an outside circumstance I think I'll be ok. Using my husband's health as an excuse for me not doing the things I should be doing for myself is easy to do, but when I see it in print it really isn't fair to me - or him.

I often think about what would happen to him if I get sick - and usually, when he goes in the hospital I have a day where I just can't get out of bed - exhaustion, I know.

Love,