in praise of Ray
Entry posted by swilkinson
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Ray and I sold raffle tickets in a giant Christmas stocking, at our local shopping centre today for our Lions Club. We have seven four hour "slots" to do this Wednesdays and Saturdays until 20th December.
One buyer, a slight acquaintance from years gone by complimented Ray. He said: "Buddy, you are doing what a lot of able bodied people never do, paying your way in society." I take that point. Ray IS doing what a lot of able bodied people don't think to do, working for others: the blind, the disabled kids, the other members of society who will benefit in some way from the money we raise.
It is not often I say this but I am so proud of Ray sometimes, despite his disabilities he still finds service to others satisfying. And I told him I was proud of him too.
Now I criticise Ray sometimes for the things he doesn't do. I know a lot of them relate to his disabilities, others to his dementia. His thought processing and memory loss mean he is not able to retain a list of things he has to do, so he might change his shirt but forget to shave, or shave but forget to comb his hair. It is up to me to make a thorough inspection of him before we leave home. This sometimes mean we need to change some of his garments at the last minute. Because of that we didn't get to our Lions meeting on time last night and so he sat at one end of the table and I sat at the other. This made it a bit awkward as I had to keep trotting back and forth to cut his meal, butter his bread roll,get him a drink, fetch a serviette, later a cup of tea etc.
One advantage for me was that I got to talk to someone other than Ray. And others got to talk to him. He used to belong to Lions for many years before his stroke and before I joined to be his helper. It is one of the places where he is treated almost as if he is "normal" and I try to make my help as unobtrusive as possible. Last night it became obvious to one of my table companions who said: "I never realised how much you have to do for Ray." For those of you who wonder why others don't help you with your survivor, that could be one of the reasons. It is almost as if by being unobtrusive we are hiding what has to be done from others and the fact that we could sometimes use a little help. But maybe it is better that way.
But this is a blog in praise of Ray for a change. So I want to say how proud I am that he still tries to function in society. I know many people would have given up a long time ago, maybe after the second, third or fourth stroke. But Ray does still try to keep going. He is uncommonly courteous and kind to the older folk we now mix with and got a warm compliment yesterday from one of the craft ladies who said how much she had missed him while he was in respite and how nice it was to "have him back with us again". He is now an accepted member of that group and a common opening of address from our "leader" is: "Now, listen up ladies, and Ray."
He is still very much occupied with reading. But he also likes to sit on the verandah and see the world go by. I posted a picture taken of the view looking down our street in the gallery. It looks as if it is very rural but is actually a bend in the road. It still gives him a lot of contentment to think that he built the verandah on the house himself. As a carpenter he built onto our house three times, making it from a tiny one bedroom "holiday cottage" into the three bedroom house with front verandah and back patio we live in now. It is not a new house in a rich neighbourhood, it is just the house we have lived in a good part of our married life and like us it is comfortable.
Ray is a good man. He was good to his parents. He was thoughtful of his brothers and sisters and still loves them and I am sure is puzzled sometimes that they rarely contact him. He always helped our neighbours and friends and never sought to get anything in return. He is much more likable than the rest of him family, well I think so anyway, and always did have a cheerful view of life. This has gone now, as has his ability to work, do carpentry etc. But I think the essential kindly nature is still there and can be glimpsed in the way he talks to small children, dogs and old ladies. I can understand our daughter praising him for his ability to smile, day in day out, in what must sometimes be a life that skirts the borders of depression.
Yeah :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: Ray.
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