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My biggest 'deficit'

cam1960

Entry posted by cam1960

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I'm beginning to realize that my biggest weakness really is in my head. It's not the pain in my knee. It's not even my inability to think as clearly as I used to.

My biggest deficit is my own fear. I fear having an accident and losing my drivers license because I'm 'not quite right'. I fear my friends gradually drifting away over the years because I'm not as 'quick' as I used to be.

More than anything, I fear being left alone.

Now, keep in mind, I have been happily married most of my life. My husband has never made the slightest suggestion by word or deed that he might ditch me! My oldest daughter calls me regularly just to chat. My sons are both in their twenties and show no sign of moving out. My baby daughter of fifteen still comes to me with her problems and even sits on my lap now and then.

So why do I have this hopeless insecurity? Did I lose that little chunk of my brain where my self-confidence was supposed to be? There are times when this paranoia overwhelms me to the point of tears. I started writing this down in a moment of clear logic, but just writing the fear down made me cry.

Whew! Ok I'm better. I'll probably weep again, hopefully when nobody is watching. I was right in the middle of a good pity party last week when my hubby came home early. Of course he held me and cheered me up. I was more embarassed than sad. I worry my paranoia is driving him away! Talk about a vicious circle. I try to hide these feelings. He has already told me he's not going anywhere. I just need to get a grip on it. Back to the real world!

Carol

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l_klakring
Maybe you should consider talking to a counselor? If nothing else, you have an outlet instead of talking to a brick wall (and I am not referring to your husband or anyone else as a brick wall--just a figure of speech). But you do need someone who is objective and not in the situation to talk to. Or, perhaps, you have a best friend who won't mind listening to you and allay your fears. Don't worry. Take it easy and find someone other than your family to talk to. That way, you won't feel like you are a broken record to your family. I hope this helps you. Take Care. LK
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HostAsha

hey Carol:

 

I had that fear for longest time, for me my biggest fear was hubby walking out on me, and how would I handle things, but way it worked for me was I started taking control of my life, and fear started decreasing, when I started taking controls in my life my selfesteem and confidence in me also started building, I no longer feel what will i do without him

 

 

hope my experience helps.

 

Thanks,

Asha

 

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bstockman

I think it is a fairly "normal" fear I also was afraid... I was no longer, agile, quick.. etc, etc.. I walked funny.. I asked him do I embarrass you? He said What? Why? I said because I talk slower and walk like a drunk.. He said I am so proud of how far you have come....

 

We look at the changes ... our family's look at what we have accomplished.... and the challenges we have. My self confidence is much better now. it just takes time... we are here and our family's are happy we are, even if we can't run marathons.. you are still you. and the love is there.

 

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cam1960

Thanks guys :hiya:

Seeing how far you've come gives me hope. That's why I lurk here so often. It's good to know I'm not alone in these thoughts.

Carol

 

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