Fred:

thought provoking blog, you don't blog often but when you do, its really very interesting one, I am going to take clue from your blog and start one of my own on same lines.We are really lucky ones whose spouse stick by them, such that giving them 2nd chance at life.

Asha

It is sad, Fred. But I'll wager that you go out of your way to bring a smile to those people at the VA who are all alone.

Asha, right. You don't blog often but when you do it's thought provoking.

Jean

Fred, I went to a meeting today and was told of the death of a fellow stroke survivor known to Ray. The lady said:"He died of a broken heart." Seems he and his wife/caregiver quarrelled and she left and he couldn't go on living without her.

Sometimes it is a hard decision to stay or to go. But where would I want to be if I was in Ray's shoes? Right here at home. I guess that makes the decision an easy one for me. And love overcomes a lot of problems.

Keep on encouraging those survivors and veterans you meet to look at the possibilities in life, not the impossibilities.

Sue.

Wow, Sue, what a terrible guilt trip to hang on the caregiver who left!!! Life is never that black and white that any of us should be judged that way. I think the caregivers who leave probably didn't have good marriages to begin with or the caregiver just doesn't have anything left to give. It can be a draining experience. Maybe it's my imagination but I also think society is also quicker to forgive the male caregiver for leaving than they are the females.

Jean

Jean, I agree. There are lots of factors in every situation and all we can do is our best. But there are people who will judge us regardless and that is all I was pointing out here.

I think that society also overlooks the effort involved in caregiving and as thanks and praise don't come my way regularly from family and friends I would have to think that our efforts are largely ignored or under appreciated.

Sue.

Oh, yes! I don't think it's anything anyone can really understand unless they've been a caregiver and been through the emotional aspects as well as the physical aspects.

Sue, it probably doesn't mean as much coming from someone outside the family, but "THANKS" for taking care of Ray. You do a good job in a difficult situation.

Jean

Sue:

Telling you this will feel like telling mother how to feel it, so if you feel offended then i am sorry, but as my hubby says anytime you put importance to what others will say, you will never feel happy, what you are doing for Ray is great thing, out of love, and why it should matter what outsiders say or do.

Asha

Asha,

It's a good thing your husband is half way around the country and half my age because I think I'm in love. Just kidding....but you do have a wise man for a husband.

Jean

I too think you're doing a great job Sue, and all you others caregivers out there... I say walk a mile in my shoes and then judge me???We all know it takes a special person to tolerate some of the problems that go with the job.. Keep up the good work and hang in there.....