February is the last month of summer and often the hottest month of summer too. From the end of February days start to seem shorter. Today was a good day - hot, not much breeze but a lovely blue-skied summer's day. Even in the late afternoon as I drove home from visiting Ray the sun was still hot through the car windows. If there had been anyone who I thought was right to ask I would have phoned a friend and gone to the beach. But sadly a lot of my present friends are older and probably batheing at after 4pm is not a part of their agenda. The boys have gone to Sydney, my neighbourhood seemed too quiet. Alas a Saturday night alone is my lot today.

I will be glad when Ray is home and the trips over and back are finished. I am just hanging in there right now. At the family conference on Thursday a discharge date of February 26th was proposed. Hopefully we will have the occupational therapist who also assesses home safety come here with Ray on Tuesday and make suggestions of anything further we need to change and then the following Monday I will bring him home. I know this is not going to be easy, he isn't strong, is frailer than I'd like and I know it will be a battle for the first few weeks. But home is where he should be.

Ray had three visitors today, I was there for an hour and had him in wheelchair out in the back courtyard and my sister and her husband came. They had been on a lovely trip across the mouth of the Brisbane Waters and over to the northern suburbs of Sydney by ferry. They had an hour's stroll around the foreshore and caught the ferry back. They ate at a little restaurant near the ferry terminal. It was a perfect day for such a trip and I did feel a tiny twinge of envy. But like a spark from a distant bushfire I jumped on it quickly before it could catch hold. Life is the way it is, and ferry trips wouldn't seem to be in the travel plans any time soon.

Ray is now walking on the quad cane with single assist. He transferred from the chair to the wheelchair and back again with just some instructions from the nurse, she didn't hold on to him. He seemed confident about it. He was quiet and did not join in the conversation a lot when he had the three of us there but did talk to me a bit on my own. That is I talked and he responded but his responses are minimal now, he rarely ventures an opinion or initiates a conversation. That could be the dementia rather than the stroke damage. It is a long way from how life was even a few years ago and I am really feeling that now. How it is to be lonely but not alone.

The week has gone fast I had one day at home, busy all the others. There was a garage sale (yard sale) to raise funds for our Lions Club this morning and I put in four hours selling books, it is not a big money earner but I did sell a lot of them. Only had three out of eight boxes full to repack when I had finished. I resisted the urge to buy a heap for myself and just brought two home. How is that for restraint! There were plenty of customers in the first couple of hours but it slowed down after that. Who wants to be inside when the day was so glorious?

Next week we bury one of the most popular of our Lions Club members. Col had been in a wheelchair for many years. He had a large four wheeled scooter and was a familiar figure in our local shopping centre. He was a mighty seller of raffle tickets, a singer with our Club's singing group and a joker renown for his one liners. He could do a Louis Armstrong impression that brought tears to the eyes of old ladies at the nursing homes, clubs etc where our Club sings. They applauded loudly after he sang "Hello Dolly" or "It's a wonderful world". There is only one Col and on Wednesday we will farewell him with some tears I guess. Ray is sorry he can't be there as he and Col were pals of many years standing.

So the hot days will soon slip away. The rains will come, hopefully soon, and wash down the dust from the trees, the bush will green up again as the worst of the bushfire season will be over. As you northerners slip into Spring we will slide into Autumn or fall as you call it. Each season has it's own sweetness. There will be shorter days but we will be outside enjoying them more. Ray will once more be out on his own front verandah, reading a Readers Digest Condensed book and gazing at the traffic on the distant main road as I bustle around cooking, cleaning, doing the housework. And I guess being at his beck and call.

With each day there is much to be grateful for.

Sue.