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the calm, quiet week



Another week ended and a calm, quiet one at that. Nothing much to tell you. The weather is fine, the nights colder, the washing dried today. Life is very mundane but I would be delighted to keep it that way for a few weeks. That way I can build up my strength for the next "critical incident". I wish there would never be one but life has a habit of not letting me rest for long.


Today I went to the Dementia support group which meets first and third Fridays. We had two short films, the first of a woman's struggle with early dementia, very well done but it was not what was said but the husband's expression as he fought NOT to say what he felt that fascinated me. The second film was of a daughter's struggle to accept her mother's dementia, so good, different in parts to what I went through with Mum but so much of it I could relate to. Both films were shot over a period of time so you could see a gradual progress in the disease. These insights do help me in coping with Mum and with Ray.


Ray and I went to Apex40 dinner at a nice restaurant at The Entrance last night. They are so supportive of him, not all of course but a core group, so it is relaxing to have dinner and a chat afterwards.I wish we had more friends who were free to go out to dinner with us. It makes life seem normal for a change. Today I also had lunch out, just a sandwich and coffee at a local Bakery with a friend who we supported through her husband's journey through strokes and dementia and now she is helping me to cope. I guess that is what life is about for me at present, giving support and learning to deal with life as it happens. Our mentor at Dementia group urges us to stay in the present moment and at last I am becoming comfortable with that.


Monday is my birthday, I will be 60. The kids wanted me to arrange for a few friends to come to have a bit of a celebration but I asked that there not be a dinner or a party, I am not comfortable dining with Ray in a setting I can't control at present. Going out with the Lions or Apex40 group we sit in a corner, close to where I can get Ray to the toilet etc if I need to quickly. He does have some swallowing and coughing issues and is occassionally sick, not the kind of thing I want to happen if I am the feted birthday girl so :"thanks, but no thanks" has to be the reply for this year. Hopefully there will be other birthdays ahead. Doesn't stop you all from sending me greetings though.


So that is it, the news of the week. The calm quiet week.


(((Hugs))) to all from Sue


This is the weekly email I send out to a list of friends. I usually get three or four replies so I know some people care enough to sit down and write back. Of the others some reply once a month, once in three months etc. I know, life is busy and it is not "all about me" and I do need well-wishers out here in the real world. And of course some of the recipients do have troubles of their own that I am aware of. So I send them a private email or letter as well.


It is good to count our blessings, but it is also good to look at our lives in a truthful and honest way. Part of staying with the moment has to be about that too. I can't cope with something I am not admitting is happening to me. Or to Ray. It is good to have a place to write this down so I can read it and see if it all makes sense. Or if it is just the ravings of a person with a strange view of the world.


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Dear Sue-- You are a remarkable woman. I do, however, have a suggestion to make. You do so much for Ray and I am sure for your Mum. In taking care of people w/ dementia, it takes a terrible emotion toll on the caregiver. In my case, this toll crept up on me and I never noticed it until everything took a hurricane-style spiral out of control.


My suggestion is that your kids want to celebrate your 60th birthday w/ you and some of your friends. Life doesn't offer "do overs," so I suggest you take this time for yourself to be feted by those who love you. See if you can find someone to come in and take care of Ray while you go out for your birthday dinner. There are organizations that have volunteers (i.e. hospice) who are more than willing to come into your home and take over for a little while. Sixty years of age is something to celebrate. You are not being selfish by doing this or letting your children and friends do this for you. Enjoy!


There may be other birthdays but from where I am looking at life, each day is a present and cannot be done over. I hope you choose celebration. Take Care. LK

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If Kristi and I could, we'd come and stay with Ray for your "special dinner". I too think you should go out and celebrate. Yes, there will be other birthdays but the only one for you this year. You are so loved here in our part of the world, you will have oodles of birthday greetings I am sure. From the U.S. end they may be belated though due to the time differences. :big_grin:

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Happy Birthday to you, I think you should celebrate your birthday at your home with family and friends and maybe you can assign one person to be incharge of Ray if he needs anything during celebration, you can get food delivered and cake ordered, I feel at home it will be easier for Ray too and he is part of big celebration. I too believe in now present, celebrate now than worrying about whatifs chances r things u r worrying abou won't even come true.




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I like the idea of a party at home but it is just not practical. I have one daughter and her family in Queensland who won't be coming down, one son working over the weekend, the other son and his family are busy, after all they both work and Pamela is expecting a baby in August.


Not that they are selfish, I guess they still think of Mum being the person who does it all. It has always been me who has thrown the family parties and done all the organising etc. I assumed that the suggestion was so that I would get the party organised and they would take part, not that they would organise it for me. It is difficult to do that and look after Ray as well.


Thanks for all your suggestions. And for the birthday greetings. I will have other birthdays Asha. I know life can be over in a flash, don't we all? But I want as much of my life to come as possible to be filled with happy memories, and better no party than a failed attempt.



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No matter what you do for your :happybday: , I hope it's a great one. Celebrate the way you feel best.

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It is officially YOUR BIRTHDAY in Australia...so......from Kristi and I....


HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :happybday: :happybday: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:


You're the Best - Hope you have a Great Day!!!!!


:hug: :hug: from Arizona

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