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On Being Strong - or Not



I have often been told how strong a woman I am. When it is pointed out to me I have to admit that at times I amaze myself with what I have been able to accomplish. Most of the time though, I do not feel strong. At the worst of those times I even resent being told that I am strong. Maybe the real issue is that I do not want to be strong. I want to give up. I want someone else to take over and be the strong one.


It seems that I have always been the one making things happen. In my first life I kept a family of seven going. Most people never had a clue that we had problems. I figured it was my job to fill in the gaps were there were shortcoming and difficulties. I did it as best I could. Everything fell apart anyhow. Even though I was good at it one person cannot hold life together for other people no matter how strong.


My second life was different. It was a time of renewal. My strength had been exhausted and was restored during that time. Most importantly, I was taken care of. There were times in the process though that I wanted to just give up and not work so hard at recovery. There was always someone there to push me to get going, as a mother bird will nudge her reluctant fledgling out of the nest.




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I'm not sure that fairness, justice etc is anywhere in the stroke journey for stroke survivor or caregiver. I think the goal is more to strive , to reach out, to keep on going. We all, no matter how far down the track, long to go back to the way things were.


I would like my husband back healthy and strong, and I would like to go back to my job etc. But it is never going to be that way. I hear some of the things you say as echos of the things I said myself in the first few years. I don't know how you get to an acceptance but one day you see that this is the way life is - and you just live it day by day.


I 'll just send you some (((HUGS))) to let you know I hear what you say and wish you well.



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i know how you feel and once was there myself. that was 5yrs ago, now its not so bad but i do have those thoughts again sometimes but then i try to think of something else. a stroke has ripped our lives away as we knew it, so now we have to adapt and move on or else nothing gets better. this is life, we didn't ask for it but we have to deal with what is thrown our way. you have a family that loves you, do the best you can. we all understand how you feel, but being strong is a gift. i hope things get better for you, smile it helps.


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hey RLT :


I can identify with what you are saying, but I am also proud of the fact that even in tough situation like these, you are still making lemonade out of lemon, so make best out of every situation. & keep patting yourself that due to your strength things are still rolling, big feat to achieve.




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Thank you for your comments. I am just starting to unravel just how to respond to comments left on my blog.


It is so true that fairness and justice are not really part of the picture for any of us. I suppose if we truly receive what we deserve we would be in much worse condition. The lesson of acceptance is a hard one to learn. Just when I think I have it mastered, I find myself in whine mode again!


All one has to do is read other posts on this site to realize there is always someone who has it so much worse. Still, I promised myself that this blog was the one place I would allow myself to express whatever I was feeling at the time. Sometimes just recording my thoughts is a good way to get them out of my system.

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