:dribble:

My My MY I know I am not the only tired caregiver but I need a vacation!!! It's been months since I blogged. I work all day at the computer so I tend to try and get away from it in my off time. George is making some improvements. The incontinent issue is getting better during the day and he can now use the bathroom, night time is still cautious. I still am working from home 5 days a week and still caring for George 24/7. I have a caregiver who comes and is wonderful but she doesn't get here until 10 am and I start work at 12 noon so I spend most of my mornings taking care of George and therefore don't have much time to do anything for myself, hardly have time to get a shower. I am thinking aobut hiring someone to work early mornings so they can get George up, showered, dressed and fed and I can do some of my things I need to do like grocery shopping etc. Sometimes I just want to get out of the house. George gets housebound and he usually wants to go with me when I go and usually he does but sometimes I just want to get away from caregiving and be alone. When I do get some time away I feel refreshed. I know George would understand but I think he would be disappointed because he used to have so much independence and now I am his wheels. We went to Chattanooga this past weekend and looked at some houses in the 95 degree heat!!! I have been thinking about moving nearer my daughter and grandkids. I didn't see anything I liked plus Chatt is such a big town and I just love our little town we live in. It's 1 1/2 hours away from Chatt. We spent the night at Amys. George slept in the recliner and I slept on the blow up mattress (with my two grandsons!!!) They love to sleep with me when I come down there. Then we went to Frankie's, our caregiver's house, Sunday and went swimming and ate dinner. Amy and the kids came too and had a ball. We didnt' get home until 10:30 Sunday night and George was really worn out. ME too!! I bought a van that has a jazzy chair and an EZ lock for it ;in the van BUT George doesn't like it so I end up transferring him into and using the regular car. It was a total waste of money getting the van. My daughter says I should just Make George use it. I bought it thinking he would like the automatic electric chair and we could travel so much easier. WELL, that didn't happen. IF we use his regular wheelchair it's a pain in the neck locking it in manually byh hooking all of these straps up. THe jazzy chair just rolls in automatically and locks automatically. BUT he still won't use it. He keeps wanting me to put the original passenger seat back in the van so he can ride in it. I just don't know what to do!! I am guessing that the jazzy chair makes him feel too much of an invalid. BUT, he cannot walk and cannot even stand by himself. I am 57 years old and this lifting, transferring stuff is making me an old woman. My body constantly hurts. I try to explain to George why I bought the van and why I want him to use it but he is very stubborn. So, I give in and let him have his way. In the meantime my body is breaking down. I live on ALEVE pills!!! He says he understands when I talk to him but he really can't completely understand. I have to lift and transfer him from the bed to the wheelchair, from the wheelchair to the potty and back and back fromthe wheelchair to the bed at night. When we go out I have to transfer him from the wheelchair to the carseat and back and also have to picku up the wheelchair and put it in the trunk. It is very heavy so my body is getting a workout. Only the pain just never goes away. The therapists have shown me how to transfer easier but George is 230 lbs and 6 feet tall and I am only 5'5" and it is a workout!! Also I take care of all of the financial stuff now, he cannot. It is so completely overwhelming that somedays I think I am just going out of my mind. I love him very much though and I realize that he is locked in his world of Aphasia and is wheelchair bound and he totally depends on me for everything. The stroke completely took his independence away and he is a 64 year old man who was retired and loved to get in the car and bebop around all day.

Well, enough griping for the day. I just needed to vent.

wendie