At the moment I am full of doubts and fears. I know most of my worries are either unfounded or will work their way out. There is always a solution to our problems but often just not the solution we would wish for. And therein lies the source of the worries I guess.
Ray and I are going up to visit our daughter so I am in the throes of getting ready. There are prescriptions to be made up, pharmaceuticals to buy ( not all are on script) and all the various equipment he needs to package in some way to keep it all safe for the journey.
I am only taking one suitcase between us so am constantly packing and re-packing. Will it be hot, cold, wet, dry? who knows? But I can't take much so will have to buy anything we need that I don't pack. Some of the things we need, like a wheelchair, will be waiting for us.
I have been psyching Ray up to fly. He has not flown since 1999, and as he now has panic attacks if he gets too stressed and no longer likes crowds, noise, changes of any kind here is another source of worry for me. But if we don't go now how long before he won't be able to go? we have to seize the moment. It is important to do what we can now, who knows what the days ahead will bring?
This week I have been busy cancelling services and making arrangements to cover the period we are away. It all used to be so easy, throw a few things in a bag and away you go! Not so easy now Ray has access to services like his shower nurse, the community transport etc. now everyone needs to know where we are, when we will be back.
I went to see my mum today and she is having trouble again with the broken arm, this time pain in her elbow and swelling in her hand. The nurse said she will send for the doctor again and see what he thinks. I don't want to see her in pain again. She smiled at me a couple of times during my stay, it was good to see her really looking at me and "maybe" knowing who I am? I hope so. It is so hard to have her almost silent now. How I wish I could hear her voice, have those conversations that went on and on, hear her sing or laugh at a joke.
Think of me while I am gone. Think some positives thoughts for Ray too. Pray that he will understand what is going on around him, enjoy the company of his grandchildren, retain at least some memories from the trip, all good things I hope. Pray that my heart will be lightened and the worries will fade away. I am sorry to be a worry wart when many people are probably thinking they wished they had as few worries as I have. But we all know how quickly things can change. And therein lies another worry...sigh.