Ray and I just got back from the three day Camp Breakaway Camp. I had refused this offer while Ray was away in respite. I told myself that I would have already had a good break and he would have too so why would I need another? Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. With the stressful events prior to the funeral, including four days without a phone, the funeral itself and then the somewhat disapponting time at the womens weekend I DID need a break.

I had gotten to breaking point I think, too much expectation, too little delivery can do that. And as a caregiver I really need to be calm and competent to be able to cope with Ray. His return was looming and I was in no way prepared for him to come home. So for once I took my own advice, took the phone in hand and rang them and fortunately as they had had a couple of cancellations Ray and I were slotted in to go.

So the first night we sat side by side as the setting sun hit the she oaks, turning them to gold and watched a local plumber wriggle his hips and impersonate Elvis and the magic of Camp Breakaway started to weave its spell and I began to really relax and enjoy myself. Best thing I could have done. I was able to eat, sleep, stroll around the grounds and the paid and voluntary workers looked after Ray and after me as well. The meals are not first class but adequate, the huts are clean as is the linen, the showers etc. The setting on twenty acres of lawns and walkways and gardens, all overseen by a group of Rotary clubs and a foundation that was set up specifically for Camp Breakaway, are always a pleasant place to be. There were a couple of families of ducks, some baby plovers with their parents, the usual bush and garden birds and NO PRESSURE!

So I do feel refreshed. I am ready to go on, I can cope. At least that is my feeling for today, tomorrow may bring another crisis and the situation will change again. But today I am strong.

There were the usual collection fo frail elderly people, their trip to Camp giving a daughter or a family member a break.There was a man at our table with advanced Parkinson's who was able to stand up but not walk, he was not much older than Ray, too young to be so severely disabled. The person I spent a lot of time with is 98 and an old charmer who had lived in the Riverina and had a lot of interesting stories about life 50 and 60 years ago. He was a delight to talk to and a good distraction from my own worries so we made the most of each other's company.

Ray loves the entertainment, the attention, the laughs the other staff provide. His personal carer has had him for six years now and tells him a series of jokes and stories all through the Camp to keep him smiling. Ray loves that special feeling that being with people who really do care about the aged and frail provides. He was quite frail emotionally in 2001 when he first went and I think part of his survival to this point is due to the many people who have made him feel that to go on living is worthwhile, family friends and people like those at Camp Breakaway. There are a lot of good dedicated people in the world, it is unfortunate that they are not always the ones we encounter.

I am ready to go on for a while. I know the Christmas period brings it's own stresses but I will cope. I just need to take my own advice, take it easy, get some support, look after yourself.