Ruth, having a partner with vascular dementia is like purchasing a ticket on a roller coaster and then having someone blindfold you. You can still feel the ups and down, just don't know when to hang on tight for the corners.

Ray too has had those explosive days. He is more aware of what is happening but tries to treat it as if it is not "his fault". This means he walks away, I clean up. I keep a lot of torn up towels etc so I can throw them all in the bin sealed in plastic bags when I finish. This can happen three or four times if he has a tummy bug. I keep some Imodium on standby as I know he is allowed to take that. I also feed him bland food and make sure he has plenty of fluids, dehydration can make the dementia much worse, so fluids to replace what he has lost is essential.

I don't know why the doctors don't recommend support groups you can join or people you can ring to get help with the problems, but it seems as if you have to find it all out for yourself. I'd go back to your doctor, explain what happens and see if he can tell you what to do, what to feed him etc or give you a referral to someone who can. We have "continence nurses" here, I don't know what you would call them there.

Congratulations on the "more positive attuitude" but remember it is okay to go outside and scream your lungs out if that helps or find some activitiy that will release all that tension.

(((Hugs))) from Sue.