Hey Fred...remember that song that went "how you gonna keep them down on the farm, after they see Paree?" I think middle aged life is a bit like that. When the kids fly the coop there is more money to spare for labor-saving devices and some people have a lot more free time on their hands. So they fill it with those wonderful things called "outside activities". Along with this comes what seem to be a lot of new friends but my guess would be have a stroke and they all disappear like smoke.

Now I don't think this is all about women as I know men who bowl three days a week, play golf three days a week and sleep in on Sundays. They have fallen into the outside activities trap too. And if friends is what you want look no further than the houses on your block, the people in your neighbourhood, the extended family. You don't have to go a long way from home to find friends. All you have to do is BE a friend.

After retirement or a major trauma like stroke we have to rebuild relationships. In my case from two jobs, one two days a week plus Sunday mornings as a volunteer pastoral worker for my church and one three days a week as a public servant to one where each and every day was spent looking after Ray, my Dad and my Mum. By comparison to those days my life now is a piece of cake!

But I happen to think all of life is a constant process of choice. You want to be in a good marriage? Well you got to spend some time with that person you married. And that might mean doing their thing rather than your own. You got to give up some things, take up others. Life doesn't stop but it surely does change. And it will change anyhow so you might as well feel as if you have a choice in the matter.

Fred, people will make their own choices, some good, some bad. Here we support them while they are making that choice. We might not like what they decide but it is their decision. I have chosen to look after Ray. End of story. But that is just today's choice.

Sue.