no answers
Entry posted by swilkinson
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I went to see Ray in hospital today and had the original heart specialist drop by. As team leader he has the say and so he told me he was discharging Ray on Monday if that was okay with me. He also said there really were no answers to what was wrong with him after all their investigations so they had decided to put him back on his old medications and send a letter to his treating doctor informing him of all that had been done.
The nurse that came in after the doctors said she thought it was a good idea for Ray to go home as "you do much better at home". I know that is how I felt at the end of my long hospital stay in 1991 when I had viral pneumonia, but no-one had to look after me, I looked after myself. I want to know exactly how weak Ray is going to be and how much extra work that will mean for me. Am I okay with all of this? I think the answer is "No" as I still feel there should be some answers. No-one has a collapse, goes unconscious etc for no reason. So I think it should be investigated until there are answers. I suppose I should be grateful they have done as much as they can ( as we don't have to pay for it) but somehow I am still not satisfied.
So life will go back to "normal" on Monday. I will pick Ray up after my class, about 2pm. I have two more classes to go so will either send Ray off to Daycare or apply for a carer for the day to enable me to do the last Monday. I think I have learned a lot from just being with the other 15 caregivers. But I am also more aware that no matter how much others try to help in the end we are alone with our cared for person, especially in times of crisis, in the middle of the night, when they have falls etc. No-one can be right beside us ready to help. There can be others involved in the care like my "five hours a week" professional carers, but ultimately we are on our own.
I had requested an interview with a social worker as I felt I would be able to talk over our increasing care needs but was informed today that that was unlikely to happen due again to the illnesses that are keeping the hospital short staffed. I only saw the "aged concerns nurse" on the first day, never saw the occupational therapists again and Ray has had only two little walks with the physiotherapists so it has certainly been a time of minimal service. We are supposed to have seen a discharge planner too but so far she/he has not appeared.
I've felt the last week or so as if I was in some kind of "never never land" where everything was a little out of kilter. Although the cough has almost gone and the fever subsided the after effects of the virus means I feel sluggish of a morning and am pushing myself to get the work done, visit Ray and come home again. I can understand Ray wanting to sleep all the time because that is how I feel too. But to sleep and not do what I have to do would result in chaos, as all caregivers know. There is no way a caregiver can slack off for the day, the work just keep mounting up.
The other big job has been the moving of all our clothes etc from the old wardrobes into the front bedroom so the building of the built-in wardrobe can take place. After the cabinetmaker being here for two days I have some walls and shelves but it still has a long way to go. I know when something is tradesman built it is slower to be assembled and that is okay, but at the moment I have things stacked everywhere and somehow by Monday that has to change so Ray can fit back into the house again. He needs a clear passageway between rooms and no piles of stuff to distract him so tomorrow I will try to get some order back into the house. What a time for all of this to happen.
I did manage to go out to dinner with friends last night. I was going to back out at the last minute as it was a cold wet night but managed to get myself to the restuarant and have a reasonable time. I think they did it to "cheer me up". I do still have some realtime friends and have to force myself to make the effort to keep in touch with them. It is a really big effort sometimes but without friends and supporters I would not get by.
Thanks to you all for reading this. It is an emotional outlet for me just writing it all down. It truly does help me to sort things out.
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