Ruth, you are at the stage I was at a couple of years ago, close to burnout because you have been doing so much for so many years.

I didn't want in home carers either but mostly it has worked out. I have sometimes had to ring my care provider and "clarify" a point, I did so today. I try to do it as diplomatically as possible. The carers are good and not so good, I try to hang onto the good ones and see less of the others.

The first respite is a mixed blessing. Do stay away for at least the first three days to allow him to settle in. Then maybe go for an hour's visit every few days as he can't settle in if you are there. Then maybe take a week off and visit again. Two years on I don't visit more than once during the two weeks respite. It is my time to be by myself and just BE myself.

I know a lot of this doesn't feel like your choice but all of us who care for people with stroke plus dementia are on a path that leads to the person we love leaving home eventually, when they become too much for one person to look after. I am just keeping Ray at home for as long as I am able to.

Sue.

Ruth:

I still get amazed by some of you caregivers do for your hubby out of so much love. I am happy that you are going to get some respite and some homecare, you defintly deserve it, so don't feel guilty or bad about taking that ME time for yourself. & friends & family who says hurtful things aren't your friends at all. let's just hope that they don't face situation like yours. after reading all the caregiver blogs I realize I still have ways to go before I could think that I have become enough compassionate person.

Asha