BS (before stroke), I knew how to just casually chat with people - I had an idea of what questions to ask and was very interested in other people's lives. In my (very biased and self-centered) opinion, I have misplaced this ability. I feel as though the stroke really forced me to study and analyze everything I could or could not do. This forced self-centeredness lasted for as long as other people seemed to be more interested in me than I was in them. At first, it was very confusing. I am not a fan of having the spotlight on me. No matter how much I thought I deflected, I was still looking more inward than outward.

I have become selfish and I hate it terribly. I recognized this a few months ago and am actively trying to turn it around so that my true interests are clearer. I am so interested in what others have to say but seem to lack the knack of asking the right follow-up questions. When someone else is around and they ask questions, I am forever grateful and recognize the follow-up question as 'duh, of course that is what I wanted to ask!'.

I suppose I can blame a lot on the stroke. I want to. I don't want to think that I have become more selfish as a natural course of action. Bah! That would be terrible if true.

I got the opportunity to visit with people who mean very much to me. When I am on my own, I want to hear about so much and forget about asking what I want to hear. Maybe this is the shy nature showing itself, not stroke or selfishness? Eh - it all sounds like shifting the blame from where it should be - squarely on me.

Now that we are moving to VA (yay! Bob is moving with me!), I got to say 'see you later' to some really neat people. I was (and am) at just as much a complete loss of words to somehow show my appreciation to people who helped me in dozens of ways as I am at asking appropriate follow-up questions. My advisor didn't seem to treat me any differently BS or A.S.S. (after stroke symptoms ) and pushed me equally hard. What words can be used to show how much that meant to me?! Friend of Survivor who was interminably supportive throughout the entire dissertation progress. A simple 'thank you' seems so paltry. I hope they know somehow in their hearts.